


Layers

by Cerinh (AnnieAmazing)



Series: Sense and Sensuality [1]
Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Body Worship, Bromance, Crossdressing, Desperation, Dirty Talk, Flirting, M/M, Masturbation, Mild Narcissism, Oral Sex, Poetry, Public Display of Affection, Rimming, Romance, Sensuality, Suspense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-26
Updated: 2018-12-06
Packaged: 2019-08-29 23:54:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16753882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnieAmazing/pseuds/Cerinh
Summary: Trying to forget his insecurities and be someone else for a night, Die goes out for dinner with Kaoru. There is more between the layers of his personality than he can even grasp, more to his relationship with his best friend. Layers upon layers of emotion, so thick they can't even see the bottom of it. Until they do.An attempt to combine poetry with what I hope is a sensual story. (Poems don't need to be read or even understood to follow the story. They're just there for inspiration and because I'm a sucker for poetry.)





	1. In Different Skin

**Author's Note:**

> Each chapter has its own poem. It's not necessary to read them if you're not the type for that. Author credit for the poem of chapter one: "The Layers" by Stanley Kunitz.
> 
> I hope I won't offend anyone with this story. I also hope all feelings come across properly. Feedback on that would be greatly appreciated.

I have walked through many lives,  
some of them my own,  
and I am not who I was,  
though some principle of being  
abides, from which I struggle  
not to stray.

When I look behind  
as I am compelled to look  
before I can gather strength  
to proceed on my journey,  
I see the milestones dwindling  
toward the horizon  
and the slow fires trailing  
from the abandoned camp-sites,  
over which scavenger angels  
wheel on heavy wings.

Oh, I have made myself a tribe  
out of my true affections,  
and my tribe is scattered!  
How shall the heart be reconciled  
to its feast of losses?

**. . .**

  
Exhausted, Die fell backwards onto his bed, not caring that his hair would leave a wet spot on the covers. The room was dimly lit and the furnishings comfortably arranged, but he couldn’t bring himself to relax. Closing his eyes and listening to his slow and steady heartbeat, he found himself tense and deflated, when really, he should be bubbly and happy.

The night’s show had been great, there were barely any troubles and the crowd had been wild, screaming, singing, and applauding. Then, when he and Kaoru had walked up to the middle of the stage to play their respective solos at each other, Die on his knees in front of the older man, there had been a lot of shrieking, especially from the female part of the audience.

A grin crossed Die’s face at the thought and he wondered if there were any photos of tonight’s concert on the internet yet.

He rolled onto his right side and stretched to reach his phone, lying on the nightstand. Unlocking it, he opened Instagram and browsed through all the new pictures tagged #direngrey -- and there it was. _Damn_ was he hot with his tongue out, looking up at Kaoru from his kneeling position, back arched and head thrown back. His long, ginger curls almost touched his ankles. Kaoru, for the most part, looked concentrated, but there was a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. He was bent forward towards Die, his short hair a wild mess as he’d started this particular performance out headbanging. The picture didn’t show what exactly the lead guitarist was looking at, but Die remembered the playful gleam in those dark eyes directed at him.

It was a good photo. Must have been shot from the front row. He was tempted to give it a like, but composed himself and instead switched over to Reddit. The /r/DEG section was buzzing with posts. One that was titled “And my friends wonder why I love these two” from two hours ago caught his interested and he opened it. It was a video of exactly the moment that had been depicted in the photo. The music couldn’t be heard all too well over the squealing of the people around the person who had shot the clip, but then again, the music wasn’t all that important to some of their fans in moments like these. Moments that were no doubt fuel for imagination. Especially since Die had started to wear stockings on stage again.

With an amused smile on his face, he watched the clip again. It ended with Kaoru ruffling Die’s hair before returning to his side of the stage with bouncy steps, accompanied by their fans’ screams of adoration.

It had been a truly good night. So why did Die feel so -- what? Exhausted, definitely, but for reasons he could and did not want to face emotionally drained. Sad. Insecure. Maybe a bit lonely. He could have done something against the loneliness, at least, if he’d just got up and went to one of the rooms his friends occupied. But he didn’t feel like getting up.

He was about to scroll down to the comments when a knock on his door ripped him from his own little world back to reality.

“One sec,” he announced to whoever was on the other side and lazily got up, letting his phone drop onto the bed. He took a quick glance at himself in the mirror as he passed by the open door to his bathroom, decided he looked presentable enough to receive a guest and proceeded to do just that.

With his right shoulder leaned against the door frame stood none other than his fellow guitarist, arms crossed in front of his chest, an easy smile tugging the corners of his lips upward.

“Hey,” Kaoru said and jerked his chin at his ginger haired friend, looking as cool and relaxed as ever. Die envied him for his ability to be so laid-back. To the younger, everything he did, no matter how much he enjoyed doing it, was a strain. The muscles in his back and shoulders were always tense.

The taller man hummed by way of response and stepped aside to let his friend into his room. Taking the invitation, Kaoru pushed himself off the door jamb and stepped inside, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his black low-cut skinnies. The movement made him unconsciously flex his shoulders and roll them backwards a few times. Die, who had followed his band leader’s movements with his eyes, stared for a moment, unable to help himself.

Kaoru was gorgeous at the best of days, but wearing tight jeans that defined his ass and a tank top to show off this tattoos, he was sexy beyond belief.

Forcefully tearing his gaze away from the older man, Die finally closed the door and moved to sit on the bed, looking up at Kaoru who stood before him. Was it hot in here or was that just Kaoru radiating his sexappeal into the general area? God, he was hot, even without his manly goatee. Audibly, Die cleared his throat.

“So,” he exclaimed, but nothing else would come to mind. He forced himself to look at the other man’s face for fear that if he’d feast his eyes on the tattoos on Kaoru’s arms, he might start to swoon.

“So,” Kaoru returned, his warm, chocolate eyes locking on his friend’s cinnamon coloured ones. “Eaten anything today?” he asked then, casually.

Die lightly shook his head, looking sheepish and dropping his gaze to his hands. He made a face, anticipating a stern talking-to by his fellow guitarist and mentally started to put his excuses in place. No, he didn’t try to harm himself by not eating, he simply forgot sometimes. No, he was okay. Yes, he was going to eat. Yes, he promised. However, no such thing happened. Instead, Kaoru let out a heavy sort of a sigh, and as Die looked back up at him, he was met with a look equal measures disappointed and concerned.

“How long?” Kaoru asked softly, no accusation in his voice.

Die just shrugged, deflated, feeling guilty and annoyed with himself.

“That long, huh? Well, I was gonna ask if you’d like to go out and get dinner together, but seeing as you probably won’t eat anything anyway, I guess there’s no point.” He sounded concerned and somewhat defeated. Die watched him trying to drill the tip of one of his black Converse’s into the carpet.

When he processed what the other had said, the taller man visibly perked up and searched for his friend’s eyes, an idea springing to life in his befuddled mind.

“Well,” he started, a small smile settling on his lips, “I could do with a nice dinner.”

The grin was instantly back on Kaoru’s face and his eyes gleamed. “Get up and let’s go then,” he urged, not wanting to take chances with Die’s mood -- he might change his mind any second.

The taller man held up his hand in a ‘hold on’ gesture, then pointed at his friend. “I have a couple of conditions first.”

Kaoru huffed out a breath and rolled his eyes. “Such as?” he asked with a hint of amusement edged into his voice.

Die tutted and wagged his finger at his friend. “I saw that,” he mock-scolded in reference to the other guitarist’s eye-roll, “And my conditions are as follows. One, you’ll go and put on something nice; two, you’ll take me to a fancy restaurant and three, it’ll only be the two of us. No one else.” The long haired man’s eyes sparkled playfully, his plan manifesting itself before his inner eye.

Kaoru nodded along as Die listed off his demands and finally agreed, saying, “Fine by me. Slight problem though -- I didn’t bring any elaborate outfits. And we might have to go semi-fancy regarding the restaurant since we don’t have reservations.” He shrugged his left shoulder and made an apologetic face at his friend.

Die huffed out a laugh. “Well, at least, I dunno, go borrow a blazer from Kyo and wear a shirt that covers your shoulders. Semi-fancy is fine. Now, shuffle off and give me _at least_ 15 minutes to touch myself up.” He couldn’t very well go in his short shorts and tank top, now, could he?

An amused laugh left the older man’s lips at his friend’s enthusiasm, a sound like prayer bells, at least to Die’s ears. He raised his hands in mock-defeat. “Alright, alright, pretty lady. But knowing you, you’ll need more than fifteen to get ready.” He narrowly avoided a pillow being thrown at him.

“Get out!” Die exclaimed, huffing and crossing his arms in front of his chest, much to Kaoru’s continued amusement, but the older man obeyed and, with an exaggerated bow and a mocking “M’lady,” turned around to make for the door.

Taking a deep breath to gather some courage, the ginger haired man called after the other guitarist as he was about to open it and leave. “One more thing, Kaoru?”

The leader stopped and looked over his shoulder, hand still on the door knob, blinking at his friend, “Yeah?”

“Tonight, you’ll treat me like you’d do a girlfriend. Someone you’d be serious about. Also, the tab’s on you, ‘cause I’m gorgeous and I deserve no less.” With that, he made a dismissive gesture with both his hands to shoo the other man out of the room.

Kaoru, only mildly surprised at his supposed-to-be-blonde friend’s antics, merely shook his head in light amusement, shrugged and left to find Kyo.

Die breathed a sigh of relief when the door was closed behind Kaoru. Then, feeling giddy and light-headed, he clapped his hands excitedly and, rather than simply walking, performed a sort of dance on his way to the bathroom. Kaoru was in for a surprise.

After turning on the bathroom lights, he took a long look in the mirror, his hair, specifically. It was still slightly damp from the shower he’d taken after the band had returned from the venue they had played tonight, and stuck lifelessly to his shoulders. Huffing, he grabbed his hair-dryer, bent forward slightly and slung his hair over his head. He had a nice little hair-do in mind he’d been wanting to try for a while now. But first, volume.

When he was done getting the clamminess out of his hair he checked the clock on his phone, realising he’d already taken up ten of his self-allocated fifteen minutes and silently cursed his luscious mane for taking so long to dry. But then, seeing as Kaoru had already mentioned that fifteen minutes probably wouldn’t be enough, he shrugged and typed out a text to aforementioned friend with the thumb of his right hand while simultaneously brushing the ginger streaks with his left.

**Need another 15. About done with hair.  
** **xo**

When he sent it and had put his phone down, Die immediately regretted having tacked ‘xo’ onto the message. Lightly biting down on his bottom lip, he suddenly felt very self-conscious and ashamed. Briefly, he even considered blowing their night out off and going to bed, when a text from Kaoru arrived.

**Knew it. You better look fucking stunning later to make up for it!  
** **Got us reservations in an hour, cab is here in 40, be ready by then.  
** **xo**

A wave of relief washed over Die and his whole body seemed to tingle and hum with excitement as his eyes stuck to the two last letters of Kaoru’s message for a moment. Grinning madly, he resumed the work on his head, brushing thoroughly before dividing his fringe from the rest of his (supposed to be blonde but really kind of ginger) hair, wrapping it around to the back of his head, braiding and finally fixating it there with a tiny golden rubber band.

Unplugging the blow-dryer, Die grabbed for his curling iron, plugged it in and began working on the tips of his hair carefully, not wanting to end up with exaggerated curls, just a tiny hint. He _would_ look stunning, alright.

Another ten minutes later he was done and admired his handiwork in the mirror. Carefully, he plucked one of his gentle curls and was pleased to see it bounce back up into position. Shaking his hair out somewhat, a myriad of curls falling over his shoulders and tickling between his shoulder blades, he tugged lightly at the braid he’d made from his fringe, pulling lose just a few tiny streaks of ginger and arranging them to frame his forehead. Carefully distributing some hairspray sealed the deal and he moved on to make-up.

Fishing for his eyeliner, Die took a long look at his face, bending over the sink to get closer to the mirror and decided right then on the face he’d wear tonight. His lips parted slightly in concentration as he started to apply the liner to his waterline and then, feeling a bit crazy and tugging at the outer corner of his eye, to his upper lid as well. He leaned back, checking for smudges, found none and was impressed with himself. Doing the same to his other eye took him two tries, but when he again leaned back to check himself out, he was satisfied with his work.

Putting the liner away, he brought out his eye shadow palette and a brush, dipped it in one of the darker shades of black and began applying it to the inner corner of his lid, using two even darker tones as he progressed to the outer corner, and smudging them over with the pad of his ring finger when he was done. He gave the other eye the same treatment before applying just the tiniest hint of mascara, curling his lashes up and making them seem endlessly long.

Pleased, he looked himself over in the mirror and felt a short, but intense wave of arousal burning down his spine and going straight to his dick. Gasping, he couldn’t help but palm himself through his shorts for a moment, before remembering he had a date to get ready for.

A hurried glance at his phone told him he had about twenty-two minutes left. Cursing under his breath, Die rushed into the bedroom, threw his small suitcase onto the bed, all but ripped it open and dug through his clothes. He laid them out neatly on the bed, already having an outfit in mind, and, looking the items over, shimmied out of his shorts.

Picking up a pair of tight-fitting undershorts that barely covered his ass, Die pulled them on with one hand while simultaneously beginning to remove his top with the other. When his underwear was in place he carefully lifted the tank top over his head to not damage his hair-do and threw it aside once it was gone.

Feeling a blush creep up his neck to his cheeks and excitement bubbling in the pit of his stomach, he picked up the white silk blouse he had decided to wear tonight, and slipped his arms in. The sleeves of the shirt ended just above his elbow, giving him the opportunity to show off a bracelet or two if he decided to put on any jewellery, and the silk was so soft and light, it felt almost like a lover’s caress. Die sighed blissfully as he buttoned himself up and arranged his collar.

With delicate fingers, the guitarist picked up one of his black, see-through stockings and carefully pulled it up over his right foot, then knee, and finally putting it in place on his upper thigh. He repeated the process on his left leg, as tentatively as possible, not wanting to tear the flimsy fabric. When both stockings were in place, he quickly made sure the sticky band of silicone underneath the lace that held them in place touched his skin completely so they wouldn’t slip.

He nodded to himself and reached out for the final article of clothing he was going to wear -- a black, sequined dress with wide shoulder straps and a deep neckline that would show off most of his bare chest would he not wear a blouse underneath. It would be slutty, too, only covering his legs to mid-thigh, wouldn’t he wear his stockings with it.

After Die had pulled the shiny black dress over his blouse he ran his hands along the sequined fabric, smoothing it down, tugging a bit at the lower end to help it settle where it was supposed to, not showing too much of his upper thighs or even his ass. Having done that, he went back to the bathroom to look himself over, happily realising how the dress hugged his slender frame in all the right places. Feeling brave, he loosened the top two buttons of his blouse so the silver pendant he always wore shone through, accentuating his long neck.

_“Goddamn,_ you’re hot,” he complimented himself and winked at the mirror before turning around, running back to the bedroom, to put on his boots. They were grey and black, rose up to just below his knee and sat there snugly as Die zipped them up. He looked down at them, turning his feet this way and that, enjoying himself. Another small wave of arousal hit him, and he let his eyes flutter closed and enjoy the sensation for a moment, before returning to the task at hand.

As a final touch, he went back into his suitcase and pulled out a small jewellery box that held some of his favourite bracelets -- one was a simple silver chain adorned with a few pearls, the other a white gold hoop with a single, immaculate, pear-shaped diamond sitting in the middle. He put one on either wrist, the diamond one on the right, fished out a bottle of perfume -- a delicate, curved glass flacon with three roses made of pink velvet on its front -- and dabbed some of it behind his ears and on the insides of his wrists. Closing his eyes, he deeply inhaled the sweet, flowery scent of it, marvelling in it for a moment, before snapping back to reality.

Sprinting into the bathroom to get his phone, Die glanced at the time and immediately bolted for the door. Six minutes. His heart pounded in his chest as he grabbed his room keys and his cherry chapstick from the dresser next to the exit and made for the elevator, praying to all gods he knew of that it would take him down to the lobby quickly enough, seeing as his band’s rooms were on the eleventh floor.

Die’s phone buzzed in his hand and he looked at it, horrified. Was he late already?

**In the lobby. Please tell me you’re ready.  
** **xo**

The tall man smiled down at the message, feeling a slight blush spread across his cheeks as once again Kaoru had ended his text with ‘xo’ -- hugs and kisses.

The lift made a noise and the doors opened. Two men in their early to mid-twenties were inside, openly staring at Die as he stepped into the cabin and pressed the button that caused the doors to close faster. Ignoring the two guys who seemed to try to undress him with their eyes, Die turned to the mirror, uncapped the chapstick and applied it only to his lower lip, all the while typing out a text to his friend. He pressed his lips together for a second to get the chapstick onto his upper lip, taking great pleasure in the fact that they now looked plush and shiny, and hit the send button on his phone.

**In the elevator. Looking fucking stunning, as requested.  
** **Be right there.  
** **xo**

It took less than ten seconds for Kaoru to send another reply.

**After turning 15 minutes into almost an hour, I expect you to.  
** **xo**

Die huffed out a breathless laugh, shaking his head slightly, but before he could think of a reply, the elevator reached the ground floor and a little melodic sound announced the doors opening.

Excitement rose up from the pit of his stomach, almost making him nauseous and dizzy, but he closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm himself. It worked. Die stepped out of the cabin and spotted his friend by the doors, leaning against the wall, wearing a black blazer over a simple black tee shirt, his legs still clad in the low-cut skinny jeans from earlier, but the Converse’s replaced by ankle-high boots with a hint of a heel. The older man was staring at his phone. Die, after looking Kaoru over once more in appreciation, huffed out another tiny laugh and typed out one more message.

**Look up.  
** **xo**

The tall guitarist heard his friend’s phone make a sound, watched him read the message and then lift his head, his chocolate coloured eyes landing first on Die’s face, then, slowly, in awe, running up and down his body, taking in the outfit, the delicate frame of the younger man, the way he swayed his hips as he moved towards Kaoru.

A suggestive smile graced Die’s full lips as he came to a halt in front of the other guitarist and said in a gentle, low voice, “Pick your jaw up off the floor and let’s go. You’re gonna make us late.”

**. . .**

In a rising wind  
the manic dust of my friends,  
those who fell along the way,  
bitterly stings my face.

Yet I turn, I turn,  
exulting somewhat,  
with my will intact to go  
wherever I need to go,  
and every stone on the road  
precious to me.

In my darkest night,  
when the moon was covered  
and I roamed through wreckage,  
a nimbus-clouded voice  
directed me:  
“Live in the layers,  
not on the litter.”

Though I lack the art  
to decipher it,  
no doubt the next chapter  
in my book of transformations  
is already written.

I am not done with my changes.

(“The Layers” by Stanley Kunitz)


	2. Slow Burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes the date scene. It's a little goofy but there's also some tension that, I hope, serves to make you, dear reader, anxious for the contents of the next chapter. I went a little overboard with the word count on this one, and the next one is even longer still. Usually, chapters I write barely make the 4,000 word mark. This one has over 6,300. I just hope that's not because there's too much useless information within the lines. I've proof-read it like ten times now, but no matter what I did, it always came up longer than before, instead of shorter. Be that as it may, I'm very much looking forward to any criticism or praise you have in store for me, especially regarding 'useless information nobody really needed'. Thank you for reading. :)
> 
> This chapter's poem is "I love you" by Ella Wheeler Wilcox.

I love your lips when they’re wet with wine  
And red with a wild desire;  
I love your eyes when the lovelight lies  
Lit with a passionate fire.  
I love your arms when the warm white flesh  
Touches mine in a fond embrace;  
I love your hair when the strands enmesh  
Your kisses against my face.

**. . .**

Blinking stupidly, Kaoru just stood there, at a loss for words. It had taken some effort to tear his gaze away from the curve of Die’s narrow hips and the long, lean legs that seemed to go on for miles. He was breathtaking.

The taller man smiled sweetly at him and fluttered his eyelashes. “Well?” he asked, amusement dancing in his voice, and Kaoru finally closed his mouth that had been hanging open ever since he looked up from his phone and cleared his throat.

“I, uh. Just… Wow. You weren’t exaggerating when you said you’d look stunning, huh.” His voice came as a raw, husky rasp, giving away just how much of an effect Die’s outfit had on him. He cursed himself inwardly.

His fellow guitarist offered a tiny chuckle in response. Then, “Problem? Your body a bit confused, yeah?” Kaoru didn’t lose his cool, laid-back demeanor all too often, but when he did, Die could read his face like an open book. And right now, it was a display of sheer arousal.

The older man swallowed hard and then cleared his throat once more. “Uh, I mean,” he started, but trailed off, not really knowing how to put it.

“Go on, say it,” Die teased and poked his friend’s side. He needed this, needed to hear what Kaoru thought about him now. And if he was honest with himself, he also wanted the other man to tell what he’d do to him if given the opportunity. Like that was ever gonna happen.

Kaoru shrugged his left shoulder, making a face, torn between uncomfortably aroused and in awe. “You’re,” he paused and looked the other straight in his cinnamon eyes, “really fucking beautiful. Not that that’s new. But this? It’s... something else. There. Said it.” He coughed. Scratched at the back of his neck. Changed the subject. “Wanna get going?”

Die’s eyes sparkled, butterflies fluttering around inside of him. Only now he realised his hands were shaking, the stress of uncertainty that had been there in the back of his head showing itself out the door and making room for relief. “You don’t look so bad yourself,” he commented, the slight tremor travelling along on his voice. He held out his hands that clutched his phone, chapstick and room key. “I got no pockets. Could you?”

Kaoru nodded and took the items off his friend, pocketed them in Kyo’s blazer. Considerate as he was, he separated phone and key so it wouldn’t accidentally scratch the screen. “Well, then,” he said finally, looking back up at the ginger haired man, “I would offer you my arm, but I’m scared I might catch fire,” he joked, trying very hard to play it cool. Die was beyond hot at the best of days, but right now? Smouldering.

A laugh left Die’s full, shiny, _kissable_ lips, a sound like a nightingale’s song, and the older guitarist felt lost in it for a moment. Composing himself quickly, he smiled somewhat bashfully, turned around and opened the door for his date. They stepped outside into the still warm night’s air and unhurriedly walked over to the taxi that was already waiting. Once again, Kaoru opened the door for Die, watching his long legs as he slid into the back seat, before closing the door and circling the back of the car to get in beside him.

The driver turned around in his seat to look at Kaoru. “You ordered a ride to The Velvet Room?” At his nod, the middle-aged man turned back to face the steering wheel and started the engine, pulling out into the street. He didn’t pay his passengers any more mind and the ginger guitarist was kind of grateful for that.

“Velvet Room, huh? What kind of a place is that?” Die asked curiously, his eyes giving away his excitement.

The older man chuckled lightly as he watched his date. “Some upper class eatery, supposed to be a nice place to go for uh,” he trailed off, looking at his hands. He suddenly felt heat rise up his neck and was eternally thankful their driver didn’t seem to understand a word he was saying, despite looking Asian.

Die, accepting the rapid shift in Kaoru’s behaviour with a hint of confusion, cocked his head to the side and put a gentle hand on his friend’s shoulder. “A nice place for what, daddy?” He felt brave, his voice a husky whisper.

Kaoru perked up immediately at the nickname, his shoulders tensing with renewed arousal, a slow burn down his spine. He looked at Die out of the corner of his eye. Fucking tease. Shaking his head slightly, his short, black and purple hair falling in his face, he cleared his throat and tried to sound as casual as possible. “Nice place for a date. At least that’s what the reception girl at our hotel told me.”

The taller man blinked, then grinned. “So we’re on a date, huh?” his voice took on a teasing quality, but the giddiness bubbling up inside of him travelled along on his voice. It was exactly what he wanted to hear.

The other guitarist shrugged and made a face at his friend. _“You_ said I should treat you like I would a serious girlfriend tonight. So, there. You know me. I don’t do half-assed commitments. _Sweetheart.”_

Die, faintly blushing at the nickname, nodded, truly touched that the older would go that much out of his way for him. “That I do,” he whispered gently, his hand still resting on the other’s shoulder, squeezing lightly, “It’s one of your best qualities.” Apart from being as sexy as anyone could be, he mentally added, but didn’t dare to say it. He was brave, but not stupid. This was a role play, a game between very close friends, nothing more.

The rest of the ride was spent in blissful silence, both men looking out of their respective windows at the city lights and cars and people passing by, lost in their own thoughts.

When they pulled up to the curb in front of the restaurant, Kaoru wordlessly paid the fare before getting out, circling around the back of the car and opening the door for Die. He extended his hand to help the taller man out of the vehicle, who gracefully took it. Neither of them let go as the short haired man closed the taxi’s door. Only when they turned around and entered the establishment, Kaoru once again holding the door open like a true gentleman, they hesitantly loosened their hold on each other.

Entering the restaurant behind his friend, Kaoru quickly caught up to him, and, putting a hand on the small of Die’s back, guided him towards the receptionist’s desk.

“Good evening,” a handsome young man greeted the two of them with a friendly smile, “Do you have reservations?”

Kaoru nodded and gave the man his last name when prompted. The waiter quickly checked it off on the list lying on his desk. “Ah, yes, here. Niikura, table for two. Follow me, please.”

His hand still on the small of Die’s back, Kaoru felt his skin tingle where his fingertips touched the other. Similarly, a slowly burning sensation started to spread through Die’s body, its epicentre seemingly the gentle touch of his friend. They let themselves be led to their table, Kaoru pulling out Die’s chair for him, and sat down across from each other as the young man lit the candle between them.

“Someone will be with you shortly,” he said and bowed slightly before leaving them alone.

For the first time since they arrived, Die looked around, taking in his surroundings. The walls were painted in a deep, velvety shade of plum, a colour that could also be found on the table cloth and the chairs and curtains. It gave the room a warm, welcoming sort of ambience while also being somewhat romantic. And even though the place was packed with couples, it was remarkably quiet apart from the small noises of cutlery meeting porcelain, some gentle conversation and soft music playing in the background. “This is nice,” he whispered under his breath as his eyes found the dark chocolate ones of the older.

Kaoru smiled back at him, in agreement. “Glad you like it.”

They sat in comfortable silence for a few moments, just looking at each other, until Die found his voice again. “Could you order for both of us tonight?” The taller man’s chin rested elegantly on the back of his long-fingered hand, the diamond on his bracelet gleaming playfully in the dim overhead lights and the reflection of the candle’s flame.

The lead guitarist’s eyes rested on the jewellery for a moment, then he blinked and made a face. “I can… try?” he said, uncertainty radiating off of his words. He wasn’t really comfortable speaking English, despite being able to understand it quite well.

Die chuckled. “Don’t be like that. See it as... a chance to practise. You’ve gotten so much better.” Besides, you’re the only person I want to talk to tonight, he thought, but left it unsaid. A hum of consent reached his ears and the ginger haired man smiled gently. What a beautiful sound.

Just then, their waitress arrived at their table, wishing them a good evening with a slight bow and handing them the menu. “My name is Miranda, I’ll be your waitress for the night. What would you like to drink?” she asked then in a sweet voice, getting a notepad and pen out of her waistcoats’ pocket.

Kaoru cleared his throat uncomfortably and tried his best to not tumble over his own tongue trying to speak English. “We’ll have two sparkly mineral waters, one with a… eh, slice of lime instead of lemon?” He looked at the waitress, hoping she’d understood.

She nodded enthusiastically, a friendly smile on her lips as her eyes were fixed on the short haired man, and took a note. “Anything else for drinks?”

Taking a deep breath, Kaoru nodded and opened his mouth again, “Yes. I’ll have a scotch on the rocks, please. Glenfiddich.”

Again, Miranda nodded and made a note. “And for the lady?” she looked at Die expectantly, who blushed a faint shade of pink and glanced at his friend helplessly. Miranda’s gaze shifted back over to Kaoru as he spoke up again.

“She’ll have the finest pinot noir you have.” He didn’t even hesitate on using the female pronoun, surprising himself. “Just a glass, for now,” he added, before she could even ask.

Cheerfully, the waitress replied, “Coming right up!” before leaving the two men, waving her long, ebony ponytail.

Die huffed out a tiny laugh. “Well, she seems interested in you.”

Kaoru raised a single eyebrow, confused. “She what?”

His friend nodded slightly, grinning. “Don’t look now, but she’s checking you out,” he said, winking.

Kaoru only shrugged. “She’s a waitress. She’s probably just trying for a nice tip.” Opening his menu, he let his eyes roam over the different things listed in it, and added, matter-of-factly, “Besides, you’re my date tonight. I’m not ditching you.”

Butterflies. There they were again. Fluttering excitedly in Die’s stomach, making him feel suddenly about a million degrees warmer. “Aww,” he exclaimed before he could help himself and earned a lopsided grin, accompanied by an affectionate glance from his fellow guitarist for it.

The waitress returned with their drinks and set them down in front of them, before once again leaving to give them a few minutes to pick something off the menu.

“So,” Kaoru started when the girl was out of their immediate range again, “what would you like to eat?”

Die, having only glanced at the menu, shrugged, not really caring. “You decide. Surprise me.” It earned him a questioningly raised eyebrow to which he only smiled encouragingly. Alright, _fine,_ maybe he just wanted to see what the other would order for him. But he wasn’t about to tell him that.

Absently, the older man nodded. “I’ll try.” Jesus, Die was being extra difficult tonight. Was he testing him or something? Kaoru couldn’t help but feel a little nervous. He watched the younger take a sip of his wine, visibly savouring the taste and feel of the liquid on his tongue, before swallowing, a sound of delighted approval coming forth.

“Mhh, yes, great pick, that one,” he commented as he set his glass aside, earning him another smile from his band leader.

Closing the menu, Kaoru sighed a little and decided that it was time. “Now that I got some alcohol in you, will you tell me what has been bothering you these last few weeks? Months, even?” Concern was edged deeply into his voice. He hated to have to stand idly by while Die was harming himself, purposefully or otherwise. “And don’t give me your ‘I just forget to eat sometimes’ bullshit again, okay?”

Die closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. When he opened them, he decided to try and dodge the question. “Kao, I’ve had _one_ sip. I’m not _drunk,_ okay?”

The older, however, wasn’t put astray so easily. He raised a questioning brow, a hint of hurt in his voice, “Are you saying you need to be drunk to trust me with your problems?”

Ouch. That hit straight home. Die dropped his gaze to his fingers which fiddled with the hem of the table cloth in his lap, ashamed of himself. He shook his head slightly. “Didn’t mean it like that. You know that. Right?” He didn’t dare look up, chewing his bottom lip.

Just then, their waitress appeared beside their table. “Are you ready to order?” she asked, smiling sweetly at Kaoru. God, this bird had the worst possible timing. Then again, maybe it was his fault for closing his menu -- the universal sign that one was, indeed, ready to order.

He raised his pointer at Miranda, almost as if to scold her, but simply requested for her to give them a couple more minutes. He would give her a sign when they were ready. She apologised, bowed a little and left them alone again.

Die had lifted his gaze back up to his friend again, but was still worrying his teeth over his bottom lip. Uncertainty and shame plainly showing in his cinnamon eyes, easy for Kaoru to read.

The older stretched out his left hand across the table, wordlessly asking to have Die’s in return, who slowly, almost hesitantly, dropped his tattooed hand into the offered one. Kaoru squeezed lightly before worrying his thumb over the knuckles of Die’s pointer, and then up over the base of the snakeskin tattoo.

“Die, I’m not mad, okay? Just worried. I want to help you. You’re not eating right, you’re not talking to me -- frankly, I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

The younger guitarist sighed heavily, staring at their joined hands with heavy eyes. “But you _are_ helping. _This_ is helping. You’re making me eat properly tonight, and you’re just… here. That’s all I can ask for.”

Kaoru huffed out a breath. “I haven’t seen you eat yet, so I’m not convinced on that part. But,” he paused, giving his friend a meaningful look, lightly squeezing his hand again, “I just hope you’ll come out and tell me what’s wrong eventually. A problem shared is a problem halved, you know.”

Die hummed in the back of his throat by way of answering. He suddenly felt parched and regretfully withdrew his hand from his friend’s warm hold to reach for his wine. “Maybe after I’ve had some more of this,” he offered, an apologetic smile on his lips, before he took another sip.

With nothing left to say on the matter, Kaoru looked around to search for their waitress. Meeting her gaze, he gave her a short nod to call her over and she appeared next to their table in a matter of seconds, again smiling sweetly at the short haired man.

He ordered a Cesar’s salad with French dressing and a side of sliced tomatoes and baby carrots for Die and a pumpkin soup for himself as appetisers, all the while trying hard not to tumble over his words. It was really quite cute, if one asked Die. Miranda seemed to think the same thing, though, and the rhythm guitarist felt a pang of jealousy in his chest, watching her smile so sweetly at _his date._

Kaoru, giving his friend a sideways glance, proceeded to order their main course; the honey glazed slice of turkey on steamed aubergine with raspberries for himself, as well as filled zucchini _au gratin_ with some diced chicken on the side for the younger.

Die made a delighted face at the order, giving his friend an impressed sort of nod to convey his approval. But he shouldn’t be surprised -- Kaoru _did_ know him well. After all, they had been friends for over two decades now, and for the majority of that time -- except for a couple of weeks during the 2006 Family Values tour when they couldn’t even be in the same room with one another without being at each other’s throats, and nobody remembered the reason even remotely -- very close.

They made smalltalk until their food arrived, talking about the concert they had played and laughing at the sometimes weird, sometimes crass antics of all of their bandmates, Shinya’s in particular. Kaoru shared an idea for a song that he wanted to compose and they agreed to sit down to work on it together after the tour, or maybe even, if they got the chance, on one of their off days during.

The waitress returned with their appetisers and carefully set the plates down in front of them, all the while still smiling flirtatiously at Kaoru. Die hated her with a passion. Didn’t she know it was inappropriate to flirt with someone so obviously _on a date?_ Before she left, she pointed at Die’s glass and asked if a refill was desired. The tall man nodded slightly, his myriad of ginger curls dancing around his shoulders, tickling his skin even through the fabric of his blouse. Kaoru was momentarily frozen at the beauty of it, but shook himself back to reality quickly and resumed to blow on his soup. He didn’t think Die had even noticed.

On the other side of the table, Die accepted his refilled glass, fully aware that his friend had been staring at him for a second, feeling proud and empowered by the fact. This Miranda bitch had nothing on him. He took a quick sip of his wine before directing his attention to his salad.

“You know,” he started around a mouthful of vegetables, but swallowed before he continued, “I think I’m ready to talk.” With uncertainty written all across his features, he looked up at Kaoru who dropped his spoon into the bowl with a clangour.

“I’m listening,” the older man said gently, offered his friend a smile and picked his cutlery back up, resuming his eating, his gaze never leaving Die.

Taking another mouthful of wine and savouring the rich, almost sweet taste of it while closing his eyes, Die gathered what little courage he could and breathed a heavy sigh. “For a while now I’ve had this feeling that I… I’m-” he trailed off, carefully weighing the words he was about to say in his mouth.

Kaoru just sat there, patiently waiting, his eyes on his fellow guitarist’s face. Not urging, just looking, though concern was evident on his face. He tried not to think too hard on how this sentence could possibly end, just schooled himself in patience, hoping his friend would come around.

“I just feel so… _wrong,_ sometimes. A lot, actually.” Die finally admitted, his fingers idly playing with his fork. Though his cinnamon eyes were directed at Kaoru, he didn’t really see him, tears burning at the edges of his vision. He suddenly felt so lost and hated himself for ruining a night that had thus far been simply delightful.

Kaoru reached out to him again, this time taking both of Die’s hands in his own without the taller man even realising what was happening. “I don’t think you’re wrong at all,” he said softly, his voice a gentle caress.

Die closed his eyes once more, sucked in a deep breath and willed away the tears that had threatened to spill. His mind was a whirlwind of emotions; sadness and fear the most prominent ones. “I’m just so confused, Kao. I don’t know anything anymore.”

Sighing, the older man let go of his fellow guitarist’s hands with a final squeeze. “Care to elaborate?” he asked then, voice still gentle.

Die shook his head, curls dancing around his face. He brushed them away and sniffled. “God, I’m a fucking drama queen,” he exclaimed with a huff, partly joking, but mostly just annoyed with himself. He had lived with this for such a long time, why did he think it’d be a good idea to talk about it now?

Kaoru made a sound in the back of his throat that sounded somewhere between a hum and a growl. He cleared his throat. “I don’t think that. I think you’re hurting, and I’d really like to try and help you. But I see how hard this is for you, so… I won’t pry. Just know that I’m here whenever you need me, okay?”

For the first time in what felt like forever, the taller man’s gaze focused on his friend and he could see him. Really see him. Kaoru’s brows were furrowed in worry and Die found him unconsciously fidgeting with his nails while biting the inside of his cheek and gazing back at him with sorrowful chocolate eyes.

Die tried a small smile and succeeded. He nodded at his band leader, grateful. “I know. Thank you,” he said. His voice was soft, careful even.

Nothing else was spoken for a while, the two men finishing their appetisers in silence, both stuck in their own minds. For the most part, they didn’t even look at each other. When their main dish arrived, they began making small talk again. By the time they were almost halfway through their respective meals, they constantly talked about how good the food here was and that they had to come back sometime.

They went through another glass of wine and a scotch on the rocks, respectively, before they had cleared their plates, all smiles and jokes. Yet Kaoru could barely hold the concern at bay, gnawing at the back of his mind. Die was his best friend, had been for more than half his life, he wanted him to be happy. And even if he had expected there to be something huge bothering Die, he certainly wasn’t prepared for the younger to almost break down in front of him. In public, no less. He’d felt helpless, seeing desperate tears in those cinnamon eyes and all he had wanted to do was gather the taller man in his arms, kiss his temple and whisper to him that he would be okay. Much like he did when the younger had one of his infamous nightmares and sought solace in Kaoru’s arms.

He huffed out a laugh at his thoughts despite himself, remembering suddenly how once Toshiya had said something like, “We all know you’d be gay for Die, Kaoru.” The guitarist shook his head lightly, still grinning at the memory.

“What’s funny?” Die asked, one brow inquisitively raised, and set his glass aside.

Snapping out of it, Kaoru looked at him with a hint of confusion for a couple of seconds before his gaze cleared up. “Oh, nothing. Just remembered something.” He smiled.

“Well? Spill!” the younger man demanded in mock-impatience, “I wanna laugh, too.”

Kaoru shrugged. “Guess you’re out of luck then. I’m keeping this particular one for some other time,” he explained and offered his friend a playful wink. Then, ignoring Die’s pout and changing the subject, “What do you say? Dessert?”

The younger man perked up visibly at the promise of sweets and nodded, so Kaoru ordered a coffee-nut mousse au chocolat for him, knowing how much he loved hazelnut chocolate, and a slice of raspberry cheesecake for himself. He ended up surrendering half his cake to Die, whose puppy-dog look was just too cute to resist. “Tsk. Gets me everytime,” he mock-complained under his breath while pouting, as the man across from him flashed a winning grin and dug in.

When they were finished, Kaoru asked for the bill and their waitress, still wearing her sickeningly sweet smile (seriously, didn’t the girl have sore facial muscles already?), delivered a small leather briefcase, put it down on Kaoru’s side of the table and left them alone again.

Die reached for the leather wrapper almost automatically, despite not even having his wallet or credit card on him, but the older lightly slapped his fingers and tugged the bill out of reach.

“Ow,” the taller man complained, rubbing his fingers, “what was that for?”

Kaoru, raising one eyebrow at his friend, answered simply, “Tab’s on me, remember?”

“Well, let me at least cover my half,” the other tried, feeling bad for having forced the bill on Kaoru when he had asked him out in the first place.

“Nope,” came the swift reply, “My date, my rules. I asked you out, I’ll pay, and that’s the end of that.”

Die huffed and crossed his arms in front of his chest. “At least let me see what we owe,” he tried again, extending his left hand towards his friend demandingly. There had been no prices listed on the menu, as was common when dining where people went who didn’t have to care about how expensive something was. People like, well, themselves.

“Drop it!” Kaoru exclaimed while fishing his wallet out of his back pocket, counting the bills and stuffing them in the briefcase, a generous tip on top, “Next time, you can invite me and the tab’s all yours. Now, let’s go.”

With that, the older man got up, stuffed his wallet back into his jeans pocket and waited for Die, who just sat there motionless. When Kaoru called his name, he snapped out of it and looked up at the short haired man. “Next time, huh.”

They grinned at each other.

**. . .**

Not for me the cold, calm kiss  
Of a virgin’s bloodless love;  
Not for me the saint’s white bliss,  
Nor the heart of a spotless dove.  
But give me the love that so freely gives  
And laughs at the whole world’s blame,  
With your body so young and warm in my arms,  
It sets my poor heart aflame.

**. . .**

They left the restaurant as they had entered it -- Kaoru’s hand on the small of Die’s back, a simple contact, igniting a spark that deliciously slowly burned their skin. And since it was still a warm night, they decided to walk back to their hotel instead of hailing a cab.

Strolling down the sidewalk next to each other, they were content just being there. No words were needed. When they crossed a bridge, however, Kaoru suddenly stopped in the middle of it and stepped up to the balustrade, curling his fingers around it, looking down into the almost pitch-black water. Die stepped up next to him and did the same, then shuddered slightly as a light breeze blew around them, picking up and playing with his ginger curls.

Kaoru saw the tiny shudder out of the corner of his eye and shrugged off his (Kyo’s, really) blazer to put it around his friend’s shoulders. It earned him a thankful smile. They looked at each other for a long moment, Die blushing faintly, both men unsure of what to say or do.

The older found his voice first. “Hey, would you like to take a little detour along the… the… uh, that… river?” He pointed at the water below them, slightly embarrassed at his terrible geography skills.

Die chuckled. “The Thames?” he enquired, amused, and the other sighed, scratching the back of his neck in discomfort.

“Yeah, that,” Kaoru replied in a small voice and Die chuckled again. The older was so cute when he was embarrassed.

Then, “Nah, I’m good just standing up here, with you. It’s… nice.” As Kaoru nodded briefly and turned back to face the railing, looking off to the city centre in the far distance, Die shuffled just a tiny bit closer, a move almost unnoticeable. Their shoulders were touching now, and if one of them moved their fingers, they would brush against the other man’s hand.

Die’s heart pounded against his chest with such force that it almost took his breath away. He was sure the older man could hear it. The rush of his blood made him feel hot and left his skin with a tingling sensation. And then, when Kaoru moved just the tiniest bit, wrapping his fingers around Die’s trembling ones, he was sure he was going to faint.

It was an innocent enough contact, but it spoke so loudly. Die closed his eyes and revelled in the warmth spreading through his body from this one, simple touch, and the butterflies wreaking havoc in his stomach.

Turning his head to the side to look at his friend, he saw him smile, and all he wanted to do right then was bury his fingers in his short, purple-black hair, and kiss him. But something held him back.

When he continued staring, Kaoru finally turned his head to look at him out of his chocolate eyes. They gleamed with something Die didn’t manage to read before he dropped his own gaze and sighed. There was something he had to say, he owed it to his friend. _Best_ friend.

“Remember earlier, when I said how I often just felt wrong?” he asked, voice barely above a whisper. Kaoru had to strain his ears to even hear him, but when he did, his face took on a serious and concerned note almost instantly. He replied with a hum from the back of his throat, waiting for the other to continue.

“Please don’t freak out when I tell you this, okay?” the taller man almost pleaded, sounding lost and on edge and Kaoru’s brows furrowed.

“Die,” he started, calmly, “I’ve known you for half my life. I don’t think anything you have to say can actually surprise me anymore. Let alone make me freak.”

In a shaky voice, the younger man replied, “Oh, I think this will.” He bit his bottom lip harshly, his fingers curled around his friend’s hand harder, as if hanging on for dear life.

“Try me.” Calm, gentle. Kaoru’s thumb drew small, soothing circles on the back of Die’s hand, tenderly worrying over every knuckle.

The gesture helped Die a great deal, making him feel a little less tense, a bit more at ease. Closing his eyes for a moment, he took in a shaky breath. Here goes nothing, he thought, then began to speak. “I… I look at pictures of myself from lives and photo shoots and I think I’m hot in them, and I feel really good about myself. And then I look in the mirror, and my reflection isn’t what I want it to be. I look down on myself and the body I see is alien to me. Ugly. _Wrong._ And then, I start to wonder… if maybe… just maybe… I should have been born a girl.” There. He’d said it. Squeezing his eyes shut and grinding his teeth together, he could feel the muscles in his neck and shoulders tense up immediately, waiting for a response.

He expected Kaoru to laugh at him, or yell, or yank his hand away, but none of those things happened. Instead, he could feel his friend shrug lightly, thumb still drawing tiny circles on the back of Die’s hand.

“Do you _want_ to be one?”

Perplexed, Die opened his eyes and looked up. He didn’t have an answer for that, had never actually thought about it in this, admittedly simple, way. Did he?

“Yeah. No. Sometimes,” he stuttered, “I dunno. Just sometimes, I guess.” A shrug. Sheepish expression on the taller man’s face. “I just don’t know how to define myself anymore. Sexually or otherwise. I’ve never been more confused in my life.”

A simple nod from Kaoru. “I get that. But I personally think labelling yourself is a stupid idea. You are who you are. You do what you do and love who you love. Wear whatever the hell you want, Die. Be whoever you want to be. Simple as that.” A deep intake of breath before he added, “Besides, you’re fucking gorgeous, no matter the circumstances.” In the leader’s opinion, there was no outfit in the history of outfits that the other guitarist had ever looked anything less than stunning in, full stop. The only thing hotter than Die in whatever he felt like wearing was Die wearing next to nothing.

“You think?” Die asked, cautiously relieved, his head slightly bowed, and looked up at Kaoru through his lashes. Another breeze pushed his hair around, making it dance, the moonlight adding a beautiful sheen to it that took Kaoru’s breath away for a moment.

Swallowing against the slight lump that had suddenly formed in his throat, he nodded. “If you want, we can figure this out together. And whatever you’ll decide to do about your situation in the end, I’ll be there and support you. But you’ll have to promise me to _talk_ about your worries, okay? If not with me, then somebody else. Harming yourself is _not_ the answer.”

Die’s heart jumped affectionately at those words and it was all he could do to throw his arms around the other man and bury his face in the curve of his neck and shoulder, breathing him in, feeling his heartbeat against his own. Kyo’s jacket slipped from his shoulders and his phone made an angry noise as it collided with the pavement, but neither of them paid it any mind.

At first a little startled, Kaoru quickly snapped out of it and put his arms around Die’s hips, his fingers resting once again in their favourite spot at the small of the other man’s back. His nose buried itself in the ginger curls of their own accord, smelling honey, something flowery and Die’s very own, sweet scent. They stood like this in silence for a while, just holding onto each other, until Kaoru pressed his lips gingerly to his friend’s temple, grinning warmly.

“And what exactly made you think I’d flip my shit over this?” he asked, lips brushing against soft skin with every word. The underlying message of _‘Everything will be okay’_ lingering in the touch.

Die had no answer for that. All he could do was chuckle. It was infectious and oh so liberating.

They continued on their way after they calmed down sufficiently, bantering and laughing. And every so often, as if by accident, one of them would find a reason to touch the other; a brush of fingers against the skin of a wrist, a poke in the side, playful tugging on a strand of hair or Kaoru’s hand on Die’s lower back, burning deliciously.

Back at the hotel, Kaoru decided he’d have a smoke before going back up. So they stood a little ways off from the entrance, the older digging a cardboard box and a lighter from the back pocket that did not hold his wallet, fished out one of his Mild Sevens and lit it. After taking a good, long drag and breathing the nicotine out into the cloudy night sky, he saw Die holding out his middle and pointer fingers in a v-shape, waiting for the other to hand over the cancer stick.

Kaoru looked at him pointedly, one eyebrow almost getting lost underneath his mop of hair with how high he pulled it up. “I thought you quit.”

Die shrugged, the hand not waiting for the fag holding Kyo’s blazer in place on his shoulders. He didn’t need his phone kissing the sidewalk a second time tonight. “Yeah, well. I kinda need a hit right now.”

After he took another drag and inhaled deeply, Kaoru surrendered the cigarette to Die and lightly shook his head.

“Besides,” the taller man said and plunged the burning stick between his lips, inhaling shallowly, “if you don’t smoke it’s kind of like licking out a dirty ashtray when you’re kissing a smoker.” Though Die tried hard to deliver the line as matter-of-factly as possible, the playful note underlying his words was audible.

Mild confusion settled over Kaoru’s features, at which Die could only chuckle. He handed the cigarette back to his friend, but didn’t give him an opportunity to take a drag before chastely pressing his warm, full lips to the other man’s. Perplexed, Kaoru didn’t even have the chance to reciprocate before the moment was over and Die, with a grin on his lips and a spring in his step, wished him a good night and went inside.

The older man stood there for a long moment, dumbfounded, the fag still burning between his fingers, all but forgotten, as he stared at the doors his friend had vanished behind.

**. . .**

 

So kiss me sweet with your warm wet mouth,  
Still fragrant with ruby wine,  
And say with a fervor born of the South  
That your body and soul are mine.  
Clasp me close in your warm young arms,  
While the pale stars shine above,  
And we’ll live our whole young lives away  
In the joys of a living love.

(“I Love You” by Ella Wheeler Wilcox)


	3. Like Wildfire, White and Hot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now here's the dirt I'm sure everyone has been waiting for. I tried my hardest to find a good balance between sweet and sexy, because I think there's no better feeling than being turned on and in love at the same time. Lessthanthree.
> 
> After proof-reading this chapter like ten times, I noticed two things. One, I found I have developed a certain liking for the phrase "all but" and the word glorious. And two, I once again went overboard with the amount of words used in this chapter and essentially doubled the word count of the whole story with it. However, that just means 11,600 words of sex, I guess, so... enjoy! Leave me your opinions on the way out if you can manage before dashing to find some form of release. Winkeyface.
> 
> Credits for this chapter's poem: "First Poem For You" by Kim Addonizio.

I like to touch your tattoos in complete  
darkness, when I can’t see them. I’m sure of  
where they are, know by heart the neat  
lines of lightning pulsing just above  
your nipple, can find, as if by instinct, the blue  
swirls of water on your shoulder where a serpent  
twists, facing a dragon. When I pull you

to me, taking you until we’re spent  
and quiet on the sheets, I love to kiss  
the pictures in your skin. They’ll last until  
you’re seared to ashes; whatever persists  
or turns to pain between us, they will still  
be there. Such permanence is terrifying.  
So I touch them in the dark; but touch them, trying.

(“First Poem for You” by Kim Addonizio)

**. . .**

Die hummed to himself as he unzipped his boots and stepped out of them. Then he pulled the dress up over his head, removed the jewellery adorning his wrists and finally slipped out of his blouse, the melody still on his lips.

Standing in front of his bathroom mirror wearing nothing but his shorts and stockings, he undid his braid and began brushing out his curls, bringing them mostly back to their natural state. Some of the tips of his hair remained slightly curly, and he found he didn’t mind.

Setting down the brush, he grabbed for the flannel hanging over the side of the sink, wet it, and poured some cleansing lotion on it. He leaned over the basin, bringing his face closer to the reflective glass, and started removing his make-up, all the while still humming the silly little tune.

When he was done, he rinsed the washcloth under warm water, sprinkled some in his face, and toweled his skin dry. He took a step back and a long look at himself in the mirror then, his eyes roaming over his exposed chest, down to the dip of his narrow hips, and further down over his crotch to his still stocking-clad, thin thighs. Turning sideways, he inspected his tiny ass, his tattooed hand flat on the small curve of one cheek, thumb hooked under the waistband. For the first time in a long while, he genuinely liked what he saw. In one swift movement, he pulled down the offending piece of clothing covering his private parts, letting it fall and pool at his ankles.

Still fixed on the image of himself in the mirror, his hand began gently stroking over his hip, momentarily admiring the sharp, protruding edge of the bone there, before running gently over his ass again, painting invisible patterns on white skin.

A single finger dipped down below the curve of one cheek, running along the back of his thigh to the lacey strap of fabric holding his stockings in place, gently touching, exploring. He marvelled in the feel of the cloth under his digit, and the way his touch made his skin prickle. A tiny moan slipped free and he could feel a wave of arousal washing over him.

Die tore his gaze away from his reflection by closing his eyes, his head falling back. He could feel his hair tickling his skin where it touched, and moaned again as he finally gave in and led his left hand to his semi-erect cock, stroking slowly up and down its length.

His right hand gripped the lace on his thigh now, his wrist pressed firmly into the curve just above, making the soft flesh of his flat ass tingle and burn.

Picking up the pace, he grabbed his dick more tightly, pushing his hips forward with each downward stroke, a slight tremor making his body shake with anticipation. He sucked his lower lip into his mouth, biting down on it, effectively muffling another moan as his thumb slid over the sensitive skin of his glans. A harsh slap on his ass surprised him, made him open his mouth wide in a breathless gasp. He hadn’t even noticed his hand had moved from its position. He did it again, and once more, moaning breathlessly each time, before finally, experimentally, running his pointer along the crack of his butt, letting it slide in between the cheeks.

Searching and finding what he’d been looking for, he probed at the tight ring of muscle with the pad of his finger, eliciting a shameless moan from his throat. He cursed under his breath, gasped, and pushed his finger against his entrance a second time, not trying to penetrate, but enjoying the pressure his digit exerted, spurring on his sex drive. A thin layer of sweat covered his skin now, as he pumped himself faster, meeting each thrust of his hips with a vigour he didn’t know he possessed anymore.

Another moan loosened itself from his throat and a shudder ran through his body as he massaged his cock ever faster, unrelenting, wanting, _yearning_ for release. With every downward stroke, he’d twist his wrist a little, adding pressure to his actions. It didn’t take much longer for his balls to tighten and his legs to start shaking. The sweet, coaxing pull of release that came with the heat in his core was almost unbearable.

His breath came in short, wild gasps and moans, and he pushed his finger against his entrance one last time, before finally, blissfully, reaching his peak, spilling himself all over his hand and the floor. He continued to stroke himself whilst riding out the waves of his orgasm, his other hand entangling itself in his hair and _pulling._ Before his inner eye, all he could see was black and purple and chocolate eyes sparkling with affection.

Exhausted, he let go of himself and all but fell backwards against the tiled wall of his bathroom, breathing heavily. He untangled his fingers from his ginger strands and ran it over his face, wiping away a few droplets of sweat. Then, he started to giggle softly.

“Oh, wow, holy shit,” he laughed into the empty room, giddy with the excitement of what had just transpired. He hadn’t had an orgasm that good in forever. In fact, he probably hadn’t had one that good, period.

When he finally caught his breath back, he slowly peeled himself out of the last bit of clothing on his body, picked up a hair tie from next to the sink and put up his mane in a messy bun. Then he stepped into the shower cabin, turned the water as hot as he could possibly take it and cleansed himself off the sweat and cum on his body with his favourite milk and honey body wash.

Feeling refreshed and smelling fantastic, he stepped out of the cubicle about twenty minutes later, toweled himself dry and went to his bedroom in search for his sleeping attire. It didn’t take him long to find his black tank top and matching short shorts discarded on the floor next to his bed. Dropping the towel to the ground, he bowed down to pick them up. Putting them on and stretching, he heard the joints in his shoulders and back pop satisfyingly and suppressed a yawn. He decided to go to bed, he could clean up after himself tomorrow. Yes, he was a neat freak, but sometimes these things could wait a night.

Die reached for the covers to pull them back, but as he did so, he realised with mild surprise that he was holding Kyo’s jacket in his hands. Oh, right. He should give that back to Kaoru at his earliest convenience, because if Die returned it to the singer himself it would look weird, wouldn’t it? Truth be told, he didn’t know, for he had no idea what Kaoru had told their short friend about why he had needed to borrow this. Still, better safe than sorry.

Huffing, he let his fingers run across the wool, enjoying the feel and texture of it, so soft and smooth. With a sigh, he decided it would probably be best to return the blazer now, since he didn’t know if he’d see the other guitarist before breakfast tomorrow. He turned around and made for the exit, but stopped when he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror through the open bathroom door. His shorts barely covered half his ass and his top was so old and worn out that it hung low enough to flash his nipples. He couldn’t very well go across the floor and to Kaoru’s room in this, now, could he? But then again, maybe he should.

Loosening his bun and shaking out his hair, he grabbed for his key, before stepping out of his room and into the hallway.

**. . .**

Two soft knocks on his door made Kaoru start and he threw his cigarette out of the open window. “Be right there!” he yelled across the room, moved over to the pile of his discarded clothes and pulled out the tank top he’d worn when he first went over to Die’s room. He walked over to the door and opened it while putting it on, and wasn’t even surprised to find his fellow guitarist standing in front of him.

“Hey, pretty boy, what’s up?” he asked playfully while stepping to the side and motioning for Die to come in.

Die walked into the room, all endless legs and swaying hips, but wearing a coy smile on his lips, and wordlessly handed their singer’s jacket to the older man. “I thought I’d bring this back to you so Kyo won’t ask too many questions,” he finally said, and Kaoru, nodding, took it off his hands and tossed it on a chair.

“Yeah, he’s one perceptive little bugger,” the older commented with a grin and moved past Die, over to the window to close it. He stole a glance at the other’s backside while he did so. Jesus, those shorts didn’t cover much of anything, did they?

“U-huh, and when he thinks he’s onto something, he just keeps-” the taller man interrupted himself and started sniffing. “Have you been smoking in here?”

Kaoru made a face like a child caught with the hand in the cookie jar just before lunch and scratched at the back of his neck. “Ahh, yeah. Don’t tell anyone?”

Die couldn’t help but laugh, the other man was so cute sometimes. “Don’t worry, it’ll be our dirty little secret,” he commented with a wink and flopped down on Kaoru’s bed, lying flat on his back and  stretching his arms over his head. He stifled another yawn.

“Thanks. Mind if I light another? I kinda panicked and tossed the last one out the window when you knocked.” Kaoru chuckled as he said that, finding himself rather silly. After all, who else would come to his room in the middle of the night other than one of his bandmates? And they sure as hell wouldn’t tell the hotel management. Well, maybe Shinya would, just to teach him the _absolutely not redundant_ life lesson that smoking was bad for him and everyone around him.

Die shrugged. “Suit yourself,” he said, and propped himself up on his elbows, looking at his friend out of half-lidded cinnamon eyes.

Kaoru, who had just plunged another fag between his lips and was about to light it, returned this look and momentarily forgot what he was doing. Die, lying there, his mile long legs hanging off the edge of the bed, hair falling playfully around his shoulders, basically half naked, the moonlight making his skin shimmer in an almost eerie, but at the same time divine way -- he had never seen something so erotic in his entire life. A jolt of electricity shot through his body and straight to his groin.

One of Die’s eyebrows slowly rose towards his hairline, his eyes suddenly sparkling with something the older couldn’t quite decipher. “What? What are you staring at?” the taller man asked, an amused tone in his voice.

Kaoru swallowed, _hard_ and finally tore his gaze away, focussing it instead on his lighter to burn his cigarette. Inhaling a deep, calming breath of nicotine, he crossed his arms in front of his chest, fag dangling loosely between two fingers. He snorted. As if the other didn’t know.

“Don’t play pretend with me, Die. I’ve known you long enough. You’re doing this on purpose.”

Die blinked innocently back at his friend, fluttering his impossibly long lashes. “No idea what you’re talking about, daddy,” he all but whispered, grinning. Slowly, he let his tongue poke out and wet his lips while crossing his legs and rose to a sitting position. His hands still rested on the mattress behind him, keeping him upright.

The older sighed heavily and rolled his eyes, uncrossed his arms and ran his free hand through his hair. “Is it fuck with Kao night again or something?” He sounded on edge and pointedly did _not_ look at Die. Okay, he did, only one short glimpse, but he instantly regretted it when he saw the way the other sat there on his bed, leaned back slightly, one hand flat on the surface behind him to hold him up, the other near his face, pointer between his teeth.

Kaoru huffed agitatedly and turned around, robbing himself of any possibility to stare at the younger man any longer. He took another long drag from his cancer stick and crossed his arms once more. He was torn between arousal and annoyance. “We’re not horny twenty-somethings anymore, Die, cut it out.”

Die chuckled behind him. “Oh, come on, don’t pout. I’m just playing with you. Also, if there _was_ a fuck with Kao day, trust me, I _so_ would.” Wait, what. Had he seriously just said that? _Jesus fucking Christ._

Kaoru tensed and almost dropped his cigarette. Turning his head to look at Die over his shoulder, he positively growled. “Just for that you deserve some serious spanking, kiddo.”

The younger man threw his head back, exposing his long neck, his hair dancing around his shoulders, and grinned at the ceiling. “Oooh, daddy,” he moaned. Not his fault the older made this so easy for him.

“Will you _stop_ already?” the other guitarist snapped and Die flinched visibly, lifted his head and stared at his friend.

“Jesus, Kaoru. When we were ‘horny twenty-somethings’ we’ve _wanked_ together while _making out,_ ‘member? I was your _girlfriend_ tonight, for fuck’s sake! But now I push a few buttons and you snap my bloody head off? Get a fucking grip!” he barked back, fight or flight instinct instantly kicking in, clearly telling him to _fight._

But before that could happen, Kaoru inhaled a deep, unsatisfying breath of nicotine from his fag and shook his head, giving the other an apologetic look. “Sorry. I’m sorry. You’re right, I overreacted. We’ve had such a great night out, let’s not ruin it now, okay?”

Die snorted. Of course his friend had to go and be the bigger person. But he was right. And the taller man certainly hadn’t come here to brawl. A deep sigh left his lips and he nodded slowly. “Yeah, let’s not. Actually, I should thank you again for that. I think I figured out what I want now.”

Kaoru gazed at the younger with a mixture of relief and interest, their earlier argument all but forgotten. Not saying anything, just waiting for Die to continue. Unnoticed, some ashes fell to the floor.

“You see, when I got back to my room and changed, I looked at myself and for the first time in forever, I _liked_ what I saw. I thought, ‘That’s who I am and that’s a good thing.’ Regardless of what I wear, I’m a man, and I _love_ being a man.” Unseen by the leader, Die’s inked hand brushed over his groin fondly.

On the other side of the room, Kaoru opened the window and tossed his half finished Mild Seven, then turned around and nodded. “I’m glad you figured yourself out. And I agree. You might be an unusually pretty specimen, but I just can’t picture you as a woman, if that makes any sense? No, that sounds wrong. What I mean is, even when you wear a dress, you’re still Die to me. Slightly more sexy Die, but still Die. Wait, that’s not right either. Not _more_ sexy, rather _different_ sexy?” He didn’t even know what he was saying anymore, just speaking without thinking first, so very much unlike him.

While his friend was talking, Die got up off the bed and walked over to him, hips swaying. Coming to a halt in front of him, he put a gentle hand on the older man’s shoulder and said, his voice barely above a whisper, “Kaoru. You’re babbling.”

The lead guitarist instantly shut up and stared at his friend, who softly smiled at him, giving him an amused look out of hooded eyes. He swallowed hard and released a breath he hadn’t realised he had been holding.

And then, in one swift movement, without giving Kaoru even the slightest chance to object or run away or do whatever else his instincts could possibly tell him to do, Die closed the distance between them and for the second time in a single night, pressed his soft, heart shaped lips against the other’s warm but unresponsive ones. His eyes fluttered shut and he just stood there, one hand on his friend’s shoulder, not moving. There was no demand in the touch of his mouth on the other one, not even a question. He was just standing there, waiting for any kind of reaction. When none came, he pulled back, carefully opening his eyes, and was met with a confused look out of chocolate coloured irises.

Slowly, almost as if in trance, Kaoru’s hand moved up to his face, touching his lips, wondering if that had actually happened. He could still feel the lingering touch of his friend’s mouth on his, and as he absently licked his lower lip, he could also taste him. Cherry.

“You… did you just… kiss me?” he asked, his voice a broken whisper and Die nodded.

“Yeah, I did. I’d apologise, but, truth be told… I’m not sorry.” Gentle. Soft. Die’s voice caressed the other man’s ears and sent a delicious shiver down his spine. “I’d do it again if you’ll let me.” The taller guitarist realised it was a little silly to ask for consent _now,_ after he’d already kissed his friend twice without permission, but he felt he owed the other at least that.

“Why?” was the softly whispered question and it would remain the only thing Kaoru said. When Die realised this, he simply shrugged, weighing his words on his tongue.

A few seconds later, he finally gave his reply, his voice nothing more than a shaky breath. “Felt like the right thing to do.” The admission surprised them both, Die because he had never meant for any of these words to leave his lips, and Kaoru because he simply hadn’t expected them.

“In that case… okay,” the older finally whispered and nodded slightly.

Die blinked at him, mildly confused. “Okay?” What was? That he’d kissed the other? The answer he gave? Both?

Kaoru’s lips twitched, tugging the corners of his mouth upward into a soft smile. He couldn’t believe how daft the younger was sometimes. It was really quite cute. “Okay, as in, I’ll let you, silly.”

Wait, what? Again, Die just blinked, utterly out of it and made the older chuckle. Then, because the taller man still didn’t move a muscle, Kaoru edged closer, lips slightly parted, until his breath ghosted over his friend’s face.

In an instant, Die snapped out of his trance, put both of his hands on either side of the other man’s face, and smacked their lips together. His fingers and legs were shaking and his breath came in hasty gasps as he moved his lips against Kaoru’s almost hurriedly. Too long had he longed for something like this to happen to take it slow now.

Kaoru responded to the best of his abilities, but the other was in too much of a rush; there was too much tongue and teeth, they were already out of breath and the older didn’t want it like this. That kind of make-out had worked for him when they were in their early twenties and desperate for any kind of contact. But they were in their forties now and frankly, Kaoru wanted to drag this out, enjoy it as long as possible before letting desperation get the better of him. So he lifted his hands to Die’s and removed them from his face, dropped them onto his shoulders instead and pulled back from the kiss.

Die made a disappointed sound and his eyes fluttered open. They were met with chocolate coloured ones that held too many emotions for the taller man to read them all. Regardless of that, Kaoru had broken their kiss, and that probably meant that the older hadn’t liked it. So Die shifted his gaze to the floor and took a step back, letting go of his friend in the process, his hands dropping lifelessly to his sides. “Sorry, I-” he began, but was cut off by a hand on his jaw and the pad of a thumb on his bottom lip, gently caressing the soft flesh. Not expecting this, he looked back up again and found the other man smiling gently at him.

“Got carried away a bit, hm?” Kaoru finished Die’s earlier statement for him and was met with a nod, an embarrassed expression on the pretty face of the ginger haired man. “It’s okay, Die. Just, you know, take it down a notch? I’m not going anywhere.”

Kaoru chuckled at the delighted expression his friend made then. Amused, he asked, “What, did you think I’d make out with you for two minutes and then send you on your way?”

The younger man shrugged half-heartedly. “I dunno. Yeah, probably. What was I supposed to think?” It wasn’t like he could expect anything else from his friend, could he? This was the farthest they’d ever gone with one another in their youth -- sticking their tongues down each other’s throat. Okay, that and eventually starting to jerk off while doing so. But they had never kissed each other in a loving way. It was always desperation between them, back then. Oh, how the times had changed.

The short haired guitarist shook his head slightly and huffed out a tiny laugh, then took the other by both hands and tugged him closer. “C’mere,” he uttered, his voice a soft growl, before he sealed the younger man’s mouth with his own.

Die let out a surprised gasp as he suddenly collided with Kaoru’s body and a pair of soft, warm, and oh so sweet lips touched his. His response to the kiss came a little delayed, but when it came, it was gentle, slow, almost careful. It took a great deal of effort for Die to rein in his wild, for action yearning _want_ for the other, but for the sake of this moment, no matter where it would lead them, he would try.

Kaoru’s hands found their way to the taller man’s hips, resting on the sharp edges of the protruding bones there, his thumbs gently running along their shape. The touch elicited a tiny, anticipating gasp from Die, his lips parting slightly, and Kaoru took this moment to gently nip on a soft lower lip, coaxing another sweet sound from the other’s throat.

Die’s hands were restless, moving from Kaoru’s shoulders up to the nape of his neck and into his hair, pulling gently, before roaming back down again, coming to a momentary rest on defined shoulders. Then, with a feathery touch, his fingers began blindly tracing the tattoos on the leader’s arms, his actions causing a shiver to run through the other’s body. He grinned against Kaoru’s lips, enjoying the effects he had on him, and buried his right hand into the hair on the nape of the older man’s neck once more, pulling him impossibly closer.

The hands on Die’s hips tightened their grip momentarily as Kaoru’s crotch came into contact with a bare thigh. Even through the thick fabric of his jeans he could feel the warmth of his friend’s skin and he involuntarily bucked his hips, a tiny grunt escaping his throat. It was drowned out by his partner’s warm tongue on his, but it was there and it sounded deliciously desperate.

Die chuckled and withdrew his tongue to suck on Kaoru’s for a second, lightly scraping his teeth along the slick muscle. A growl rumbled deep inside the leader’s chest and he pressed himself harder against Die’s naked thigh. Another chuckle escaped into their kiss, before the younger pulled back, gently gasping. “Well, someone’s eager,” he whispered, amused.

Kaoru growled once again, more audible this time since there was no mouth on his to swallow the sound. “Oh, so you’re not affected at all, hm?” he retorted before yanking Die even closer by the hips, teasingly rubbing his own thigh against the taller man’s very evident arousal.

Their faces were so close Die could feel the warm breath of the other on his skin, their noses almost touching. His lips were trembling slightly and he wanted to kiss the older man so bad, but restrained himself, for he knew what he was going to say next would have a greater impact on his friend than a thousand kisses. “Oh, but I am. In fact, I might just slowly burn to death if I don’t get you to _fuck me,”_ a gentle tug at Kaoru’s hair, a roll of Die's hips against a firm leg, _“hard,”_ another tug, stronger this time, eliciting a soft moan, _“right now.”_

Kaoru sucked in a lungful of air and closed his eyes, steadying himself. “Hmm, don’t tempt me,” he almost purred, voice raw and husky, and stole another kiss, lightly biting the other man’s bottom lip before licking the abused skin with the tip of his tongue. Die’s reaction was to gasp and then suck on the slick flesh, initiating yet another kiss.

“But I need you to do me, daddy,” he murmured seductively into the other mouth, “I need you _so bad.”_

Another deep growl escaped Kaoru’s throat and he grabbed the other’s ass, _hard,_ making Die jump with a gasp and involuntarily grind his erection against the older man’s thigh in the process. As a shameless moan freed itself from his throat at the contact, his head fell back, exposing his long neck and Kaoru busied his mouth by scattering small kisses and gentle bites all across the white skin. When he softly suckled at Die’s pulse point, an appreciative moan spilled forth that made the leader impossibly harder.

Putting his tattooed hands back on the younger’s hips, he made sure Die was was standing upright enough to be able to move backwards without falling over, and then gently pushed. One step at a time, all the while still kissing and biting and _sucking_ the tender white neck, Kaoru guided the taller man until his calves hit the edge of the bed.

Sitting down, Die pulled the other guitarist with him, moaning delightfully when he felt teeth on his collar bone. His own hands in Kaoru’s neck and on his upper arm trembled slightly with anticipation, suddenly finding the tension too much to bear. The build-up was good, tantalisingly so, but right now, he needed more; more skin, more contact, more _Kaoru._ So in one swift movement, he pushed the other back and pulled his worn out tank top over his head, discarding it somewhere on the floor.

Kaoru watched, eagerly licking his lips at the sight in front of him. Hands found his waist, calloused fingertips slowly creeping underneath the fabric of his own top and up his sides, taking the shirt with them. “Off,” Die growled then and it was the sexiest sound the older had ever heard coming from his fellow guitarist. Or anyone, ever, for that matter. It was all he could do to obey, lifting the top the rest of the way and pulling it over his head before dropping it to the ground.

Die gasped, and for a moment just looked, the urging throb between his legs almost forgotten. Kaoru was beautiful like this, he thought, with the moon behind him, illuminating his frame but casting shadows over the defined pectoral muscles. And then, he dove forward, mouth and hands seeking contact with every inch of skin they could find.

Kaoru’s head fell back, one tattooed hand entangled itself in long ginger hair, as Die’s hands travelled up and down his sides and over his back while his lips distributed open mouthed kisses across his chest and down his belly. Then, a cheeky tongue came out to lick at the skin just below his navel. With a grin, Die acknowledged the gasp that fell from the leader’s lips as he replaced his tongue with his teeth and gently bit down on the soft flesh, sucking it into his mouth right after to soothe.

He let go of the spot and instead kissed his way over to Kaoru’s waistband. Fingers found and opened the top button of his black jeans, but left the zip untouched. Die only tugged the offending piece of clothing down the tiniest bit for now, exposing the gentle curve of a hip bone, teasing him there with tongue and teeth. Waiting to see Kaoru’s breaking point.

He didn’t need to wait long. Throwing every last bit of reservation he had left in his system overboard, Kaoru yanked down the zip and pushed the trousers down. Them being tight fitting skinny jeans, they clung to his thighs, but it didn’t matter. With the hand still entangled in Die’s hair he pulled, almost painfully, and guided the other to where he wanted his attention most.

Gasping at the not so gentle tug, Die grinned as he found his face just barely an inch away from a still-clothed erection. Slowly, experimentally, he led the tip of his nose along the hardened flesh, breathing in the scent of sex and Kaoru. The other’s legs were trembling slightly in anticipation as Die brought his hand up to run only his thumb over the whole length, base to tip and down again.

“Fucking tease,” Kaoru breathed and Die answered with a grin.

“Oh yeah?” Die whispered, his lips so close to his friend’s dick that they brushed against it with every word, “I’m afraid I need you to tell me what you want, babe.” Fucking tease, indeed.

The older groaned and pulled Die’s hair again, not to hurt, but to put him in his place. It didn’t work, for all it earned him was a gasp from his fellow guitarist and a glance out of hooded cinnamon eyes. “I might actually have to spank you,” Kaoru threatened, but only got a joyful hum in reply. “But first, I want you to be a good boy and suck,” Pause. “My.” Another pause and a tug on Die’s hair. “Cock.”

Die shuddered at those words, not knowing if it was the line in itself or the way it was delivered that turned him on even more, but it was all he needed. His fingers hooked themselves into the waistband of Kaoru’s underwear and carefully freed his erection from its final confinement. He watched it spring free and positively moaned at the sight. Licking his lips, he guided his right hand to the base of Kaoru’s member, giving it a few firm strokes before tantalisingly slowly running his tongue over the whole length of it, feeling every vein underneath the heated skin. He’d never done anything remotely like this before, but there was no insecurity, no hesitation in his actions as he slid his tongue over and around the glans before _finally_ closing his lips around it. The deep, shameless moan coming from the other man was rewarding, while at the same time urging him on.

Die let his tongue flick over the tip once more, earning another reward in form of a breathless moan and a not too gentle tug on his hair, before he sucked on it once. His lips wandered down the shaft, taking in more and more until they touched his fingers still wrapped around the base, all the while accompanied by the little gasps and moans of his fellow guitarist. Then, he began bobbing his head, hollowing his cheeks and just sucking for what he was worth, his tongue sliding along the underside of Kaoru’s dick with every up and down movement.

A string of the most deliciously obscene curses was all the older could utter then, revelling in the feel of Die’s hot, wet mouth around his cock. He had trouble holding himself back, his hips bucking forward involuntarily every so often, eager to fuck. Die swallowed around him. Another groan escaped him and he bit his lower lip to silence himself, once again tilting his hips.

Die, very much enjoying the sounds he coaxed from his leader’s throat, as well as the feel and weight of the other man’s dick on his tongue, finally began moving his hand in time with his head, following his lips up and down, pumping Kaoru in a steady, ever increasing rhythm.

The older could feel the heat in his core reach breaking point. He was teetering on the brink, his legs shaking, his breath coming in short, ragged moans and gasps. He barely trusted himself to speak, so he did the only thing he was capable of, pulling Die’s hair again to let him know how far gone he already was. When the younger didn’t stop his ministrations, instead seemed to suck him even harder, more eagerly, he managed to finally find words. “If you don’t stop, I’ll-”

He was cut off by an enthusiastic hum around his cock, warm, calloused fingers on his balls, massaging, urging him on, encouraging him to let go, give in. Then Die removed his hand from the base of Kaoru’s cock, put it on his hip instead and _pulled,_ taking in the entire length in the process. The feeling as his glans hit the back of Die’s throat and the constriction of the younger swallowing around him finally drove him over the edge and with one last, dragged out moan, he felt his member twitch as he came in Die’s mouth, shaking from the sheer force of his release.

Dutifully, the younger swallowed every last drop, never stopped his movements while Kaoru rode out the waves of his orgasm, before releasing him with a wet pop when he was sure the other was utterly spent. He looked up at the older man, whose head was still thrown back, throat exposed and chest heaving, trying to catch his breath.

Then, Kaoru laughed quietly, almost inaudibly, endorphins in his bloodstream triggering a state of euphoria. “Holy… shit,” he breathed between tiny fits of laughter, his breath still far from steady, finally looking at his lover.

Die answered him with a grin. “That good, huh?” he asked, playful tone in his voice. A nod was all the answer he got before Kaoru leant down and joined his lips with Die’s. Their kiss was slow, gentle, every so often disrupted by the older gasping for air. But his small, inked hands wandered from Die’s cheeks down his neck to his shoulders and even farther down his torso, urging him back on the bed.

Their kiss broke and chocolate eyes met cinnamon ones, wordlessly asking for consent. Die nodded without hesitation, leaving not a single doubt that this was what he wanted.

Kaoru smiled in return and stood up straight. “Lie down,” he gently commanded and Die pulled his legs up onto the mattress and crawled towards the pillows, flopping himself down on his back when he reached them. Not knowing what to do with his hands, he rested them atop his belly, waiting, while Kaoru peeled himself out of his trousers and underpants.

Having discarded the unnecessary clothing, the leader climbed on the bed next to Die, propping himself up on one elbow and leaning over the other. Capturing his lips in a kiss, he let his right hand roam over his partner’s body. Gentle fingertips ghosted over a collarbone, down to a bare chest, teasing a hard little nub they found along the way. Die hissed into the other mouth as he felt his nipple being pinched, and Kaoru immediately soothed him with the pad of his thumb, apologetically rubbing it, then let his hand continue on its journey.

The feathery touch of Kaoru’s fingertips travelled along Die’s side and down to his hip, bringing with it a tiny shiver and goose flesh that made the younger man’s skin tingle in pleasant anticipation.

Acknowledging the tremor running through his partner’s body, Kaoru pulled back from their slow kiss, stilled his hand and looked him in the eye. “Nervous?” he whispered. Die only shook his head but said nothing, pupils dilated so much that there was barely even a hint of cinnamon left to see. “Okay,” the older said, voice low and gentle, a soft smile on his lips. “So tell me, what do you want me to do to you?”

A tiny gasp escaped Die as those warm fingers started moving up and down his side again, still just the ghost of a touch, and his body momentarily quaked once more. Again, he simply shook his head, not knowing, not even really _caring,_ for at this point, he was so far gone, so aroused by everything that had happened, all he longed for was sweet release. And the delicate manner in which Kaoru touched him did not help matters. If anything, the slow burn spreading through Die’s entire body from everywhere the older came in contact with him made it worse, made him yearn for the enticing pull of the metaphorical cliff and the subsequent fall over its edge even more.

He wanted to roll his eyes. Tell Kaoru to do less talking and more fucking. But he couldn’t. Words failed him and he didn’t trust his voice.

Kaoru hummed in the back of his throat. Then, “Assuming your earlier demand still stands,” he purred, giving Die a look of pure, unconcealed lust, “will you give yourself to me?”

At those words alone Die thought he could come undone. He closed his eyes and let them wash over him, together with a wave of arousal, breathing in deeply. Make me yours, he wanted to say, but again could only nod.

It was all the confirmation the older needed. His fingers resumed their journey along Die’s body, back down to his hip, the pad of his thumb rubbing small circles across the sharply protruding bone, before hooking into the waistband of Die’s shorts and with a little help from the taller man, slowly pushing it down. Sitting up, he removed it entirely and discarded it next to the bed before kneeling in front of the other, between his slightly spread legs, letting his eyes roam over the now naked body.

“Look at you,” he breathed, in awe at the beauty that was his friend, “if this isn’t perfection, then I don’t know what is.”

Die blushed hotly, covered his face with his arm, and squirmed a little. It earned him a chuckle. Then, suddenly, a raspy whimper left his throat as he felt Kaoru’s lips on his hip, and a warm tongue making its way down to his engorged member. Hot breath ghosted along the length of it before a warm, wet mouth took him in, tongue swirling over the head, lips sucking on it, no doubt tasting the pre-cum that had gathered there. Die grabbed the headboard with both hands, knuckles turning white.

“Fuck!” he exclaimed, his voice no more than a broken cry, eyes squeezed shut.

Too soon, Kaoru let go of his throbbing erection and sat up on his heels, his eyes searching for Die’s, who, in turn, needed a moment to even be able to blink.

“Turn around,” the leader whispered as their gazes met, a reassuring smile on his lips.

Die, quivering from lust, reached out for his friend and let himself be pulled into a sitting position and from there, a bit awkwardly perhaps, got on his knees before turning his back to the other. Arms reached around him from behind, holding him upright for just a moment, while open mouthed kisses were pressed on his shoulder.

From there, Kaoru’s hands travelled down Die’s sides, accompanied by hot lips and a warm, wet tongue down his back, as the younger lowered himself onto the pillows once more. He lay a bit turned to the side so as to not trap his pulsating cock under the weight of his body, his right leg bent a little sideways, knee on the mattress. He realised it probably made his flat ass jut out, but he was in too much of a lust-filled haze to feel embarrassed about that.

Resting a hand on Die’s hip, Kaoru continued the journey of his lips and tongue, leaving a searing trail down the other’s spine, making him gasp in anticipation as he reached his lower back and finally bit gently into the flesh of one delicious butt cheek. “Look at that perfect little ass,” he murmured against clammy skin, and felt the other squirm underneath him once more.

With an amused grin on his lips, he let go of Die’s hip and instead smacked his hand flat on the cheek he’d just bitten, eliciting a gasp and making the younger arch his back, pushing his lower body, and thus, his butt, off the bed. Taking this opportunity, Kaoru put both hands on either side of the other’s ass and slightly, gently pulled his cheeks apart. Die squirmed again, caught in a mixture of anticipation and self-consciousness.

Then, Kaoru’s tongue dove between them, finding and tasting the tight ring of muscle, and suddenly, Die uttered the most obscene and erotic noises anyone was capable of making, the tiny bundles of nerves in his anus aflame with white-hot desire, his every sense vibrating. Unintentionally, he pushed himself back against Kaoru’s face, ass all but hanging in the air now.

Not interrupting his ministrations, the older helped him get on his knees by gently pulling him up by his hips, and Die was glad that he could bury his face in the pillows for he was sure there was a hot blush on his cheeks now, the position and situation anything but usual to him.

Kaoru, sensing the insecurity, let his right hand gently caress the other man’s lower back, stroking away all the uncomfortableness, until only lust remained. Carefully, he then dove into Die’s entrance with his tongue, pushing past the tight ring of muscle.

The taller man arched his back in surprise, lifted his head from the pillow to draw in a shaky lungful of air, and then muttered a string of curses under his breath, clawing at the sheets. “Holy fucking shit,” he moaned as he bucked his hips, shoving himself even higher up in the leader’s face.

Kaoru could feel himself getting hard again at the noises he elicited from the other, the evidence of Die so close to losing himself turned him on to no end.

Die was sure he would come undone under the other’s skilled tongue. The flexible, moist muscle was slowly but steadily coaxing him towards his breaking point, he could positively _see_ his release burning at the edges of his vision like white noise. It was the sweetest agony.

He moaned again, disappointed this time, as Kaoru removed himself from Die’s ass. “Turn and lie back down,” was the huskily spoken demand, and the younger complied.

Once Die lay on his back again, Kaoru leaned over him and brought two fingers up to the taller man’s lips. Without hesitation, Die welcomed them into his mouth, sucked on them, let his tongue swirl around them, greedily tasting, wetting. He knew what came next. And he wanted it, needed it, so badly.

Kaoru pulled his hand away as he found his fingers sufficiently coated. Before he brought them down to the other’s ass though, he grabbed for a pillow. Wordlessly, Die lifted his butt and let the older shove the pillow underneath his hips. Lowering himself, he spread his legs a little more than they already were and watched as the leader moved his fingers down Die’s length, over his balls and between his ass cheeks. He gave a soft moan as one wet digit pressed against his anus, probing gently, before slowly pushing in.

Die squeezed his eyes shut, expecting a jolt of pain, but no such thing came. It wasn’t exactly pleasurable either, but at least it didn’t hurt. His hands blindly reached for Kaoru as he tried to relax and breathe evenly. He felt the leader squeeze his hand, felt him lean over him and kiss his trembling fingers in reassurance. “Tell me if you need me to-”

“No,” Die cut him off, “for the love of God, you’re not stopping.” His voice was hoarse, but he opened his eyes and looked at the older, knowing that Kaoru could see the determination, the lust in them. All his emotions laid bare.

A nod, and Kaoru proceeded. “Try to relax, let go, you’re okay,” he murmured, thumb worrying over the knuckles of Die’s tattooed hand. So that’s what the younger did. He let himself go, accepted the intruding digit, even spread his legs further apart as Kaoru began to move it inside of him, pushing deeper, then drawing back. After a while, a second finger was added, and again it took a moment for Die to adjust, but when he heard the gentle voice of his leader, whispering sweet nothings and reassurance, it got easier.

The fingers pushed in, drew out, back in, scissored and stretched and suddenly it stopped feeling odd and instead became pure bliss as they hit a point deep inside that made Die see stars. He bucked his hips and moaned deliciously. “Again,” he pleaded and Kaoru, lightly crooking his fingers, complied, found the spot a second time, and then another, and another. It was like a wildfire, slowly burning at first, but then, suddenly and irrevocably, setting his whole body aflame with desire.

Kaoru bit his bottom lip, watching the other respond so vividly to his actions. A jolt of arousal slammed through him and he almost choked on his words. “You like that? Enjoy my fingers fucking your tight little ass, yeah?”

A moan fell from Die’s lips, dark and needy. “God, yeah, I fucking do, I fucking love that, oh God,” he gasped, his voice thick with desire. He pushed back onto the penetrating digits eagerly, his short nails digging deep into Kaoru’s hand. Panting and moaning, he tossed his head to the side, arched his back, so close to the edge.

“That’s it, honey,” he then heard Kaoru whisper huskily, all of the previous roughness his voice had held while talking dirty melted away, “let go. I’ll catch you.” I’ll still be here when it’s over.

Those words and another two thrusts with Kaoru’s fingers were all Die needed to come apart at the seams. In one final, glorious movement, he bucked off the mattress, shoved himself against the leader and finally gave in to the white-hot tightness in his core. He all but _shouted_ abuse -- a string of _fucks_ and _holy shits_ and _oh my fucking Gods_ \-- at the top of his lungs as he came, hotly emptying himself all over his own belly.

It took Die a moment to get back to reality, so lost in his post-coital haze, but when he came around, he too, like the leader earlier, started to laugh lowly, feeling positively high.

He met Kaoru’s gaze, who was just looking at him out of his chocolate eyes, a soft smile on his lips.

Still chuckling, still somewhat out of breath, he pulled at the leader’s hand, urging him closer. “Kiss me,” he said, and it was more plea than demand, but Die didn’t care. He was high on sex, that was all the excuse he needed. But then really, he didn’t even need an excuse, because he could read the other man’s eyes and knew that kissing Die was exactly what he wanted to do right now.

Their mouths met in a soft, slow dance, no tongue, just the movement of lips against lips, occasionally nipping and breaking apart every so often so Die could get some much needed air.

They continued kissing for a while, before Die pulled back. “That was… really fucking good,” he whispered and Kaoru chuckled.

“Glad you enjoyed it,” he responded, dragging his thumb over Die’s lower lip.

“That’s an understatement if I’ve ever heard one,” the younger admitted, grinning. “Fucking _hell,_ Kaoru, you kept me in suspense for so long, I thought I might burst into flames. And, _fuck,_ you’re _dirty._ And then, when you -- honestly, I’ve no idea what you did, or how, but it was _bliss.”_ He was talking way too fast, his mouth spilling words before his brain could even follow.

Kaoru grinned and chuckled softly. “I was there. I _saw.”_

Die rolled his eyes and playfully jabbed at the other. Then, “Next time, though, just fuck me against a wall, yeah? I really, _really_ wanted your cock up my ass. Still do.” He didn’t care that he sounded beyond needy when he said that.

An amused snort left Kaoru’s nose and his eyes gleamed. “And when, pray tell, is this fabled ‘next time’ you speak of?”

Biting his lower lip seductively, Die pulled the other man down for another quick kiss. He brought his thigh closer to Kaoru, rubbing against his still semi-erect member, eliciting a soft moan. “I was thinking… five minutes from now?”

Kaoru barked a laugh at that. But Die simply raised a brow, looked at the other meaningfully. It gave Kaoru pause. “You actually want to go again? You sure?”

“Can one ever have too much of a good thing?” came the playful retort.

“One can, yes, that’s why I’m asking. I’m not opposed to the idea, though.” On the contrary. He had loved watching the younger unravel underneath his touch and would give anything to see it again, as soon and as often as possible.

Die took a breath and looked his friend deep in the eyes. “Kaoru,” he said, his voice serious, even if the hint of a tempting note resonated underneath, “I want you to take me. Imprint yourself on me. You think you can do that?”

A sharp intake of breath and a shudder. Then, “Holy fuck, Die.”

The younger blinked at those words. The leader rarely swore, was generally too composed and had too much decency to say something like that. “Is that a yes?” he asked, fluttering his lashes innocently, earning him a laugh.

“What else?” Kaoru grinned, “But first, we shower.” With that, he pressed another kiss to the other man’s lips and got up, flicking on the lamp on the bedside table and walked towards the bathroom. Die watched, then looked down on himself, only realizing now the mess he’d left on his belly. Making a face, he got up and followed the older into the tiled room.

After they stepped into the cabin together, Kaoru turned on the water, and, circling his arms around his lover and turning him in his embrace, pushed Die under the spray. Gently, his inked hands brushed over the soft skin above his fellow guitarist’s waist, cleaning him, and it was all the taller man could do to lean back and relax against the leader’s chest. A cheeky digit pushing into his navel made Die laugh and he playfully jabbed at the intruder.

Their shower didn’t take long, it was really just meant to rinse them off, removing sweat and other leftover fluids from their previous activities. After turning off the water, they climbed out of the cubicle and, without even drying themselves, immediately started kissing again.

They got as far as the doorway between bedroom and bathroom, a tangle of lips and limbs, shamelessly groping at each other. Die all but fell backwards against the door frame, rubbing his crotch against the leader’s. Kaoru’s right hand that had rested on Die’s ass moved lower, to the back of the taller man’s upper thigh. The motion made Die lift his leg up to his lover’s hip, his groin coming even closer to Kaoru’s in the process, and he gasped.

As the leader’s hand moved further down the long leg, coming to rest just above the hollow of his knee, Die slung his arms around Kaoru’s shoulders and used the leverage provided by the strong body in front of him as well as the door jamb behind and a supportive hand below his other thigh, to hoist himself up onto the leader’s hips, crossing his legs behind the older man’s butt.

Their kiss broke apart during their movement, and now Die looked down into the other’s eyes, torn between amusement and arousal. “So you actually _are_ going to fuck me against a wall,” he grinned and captured Kaoru’s lips in a heated kiss.

When they broke apart again, flushed and panting, Kaoru lightly shook his head. “As tempting as that sounds, I doubt it’s a good idea.” That was a position they needed proper preparation for. And some actual lube. When Die pouted, he added, almost purring, “But I _am_ going to fuck you, alright.”

Die groaned desperately. “Make it so I can’t move,” he whispered against a swollen pair of lips, capturing it in another mind-consuming kiss, grinding himself against Kaoru’s abdomen.

He hadn’t even noticed Kaoru had moved until the older put one hand on his ankle, urging him to uncross his legs, and then gently guided his feet back to the ground, holding Die steady with one arm around his waist as he did so.

Soon after, Kaoru broke their kiss and gave Die a ravenous look out of dark eyes. “Get on the bed. Ass up in the air,” he commanded, his deep voice sending jolts of electricity straight to the younger man’s dick. He closed his eyes at the feeling, enjoying the sensations for a moment, but opened them again before he could get lost, and complied with the demand, getting onto the bed on all fours, waiting.

Kaoru hummed in the back of his throat. “Look at that. So willing.” He stroked himself for a moment, just watching the younger, before getting on the mattress behind him. Bending forward, his tongue once again found his lover’s entrance, gently licking, probing.

Die gasped and pushed back against the tongue, all nerves in his body lighting up and bursting into flames from that one touch alone. “Fuuuuck,” he moaned as Kaoru pushed in, bobbing his head and wiggling his tongue.

The older reached down between his lover’s legs to give him a few firm strokes while pumping his tongue in and out of his tiny asshole and Die arched his back, almost shouting his lust out into the room. After a while, he withdrew his mouth, earning a disappointed mewl from the ginger haired man that quickly turned into a moan of approval when the hand on his dick resumed jerking him off.

Kaoru felt his own arousal spike at the sounds his partner made, and his patience was wearing thinner by the second. With a wet sound, he removed the fingers he had sucked on after letting go of Die’s ass from his mouth and brought them up to the younger man’s backside. Slowly, he circled the tight ring of muscle, pressuring against it, earning an excited sort of gasp. Then, after he had spread his saliva around the puckered skin enough, he pushed in, expecting Die to tense up like he had last time, but instead, the younger just arched his back and let out the most guttural moan.

Satisfied with the reaction, Kaoru didn’t hesitate to move his pointer, earning yet another appreciative mewl. Pulling his finger back and almost completely out was answered by a disappointed little growl. Then, a surprised gasp when Kaoru added his middle finger on the way back in. Scissoring and lightly crooking his digits, he pushed in deep, instantly knowing that he’d found the spot he was looking for when Die arched his back and moaned. Loudly.

“Oh, fuck, yes. Again. Do it again.” Die’s voice was hoarse and his demand came out as a hiss, raw and with an edge to it that informed the other just how much he wanted him to repeat his action. So he did, making Die throw his head back and clench the sheets in his fists.

Kaoru’s dick jumped, aching almost painfully to be inside the other and he groaned. After another two thrusts of his fingers, he withdrew, leaving Die with a strange emptiness that he didn’t like _one bit._ Which he voiced with a broken little mewl. However, what the leader said next more than made up for it.

“Fuck, I need to be inside you so bad.” Kaoru’s admission was breathless and laden with lust. Die wanted to say something, anything, to let the other know how much he wanted him there, but his mind was blank, and all he could do was give a low moan by way of answering.

Spitting in his palm, the older man took himself in hand impatiently, rubbing none too gently up and down his length, his thumb gathering the pre-cum from his glans and spreading it over himself, mixing with his saliva. Then, he got on his knees and put his fingers around boney hips to pull Die closer to him, a more comfortable position for both of them. Once he had the younger where he wanted him, legs spread wide and ass just merely a breath away from the crown of Kaoru’s cock, he grabbed the base of it and pressed it against the entrance.

Die moaned at the contact, not even being penetrated yet, but feeling his body tremble in anticipation and want.

Kaoru, biting his lower lip harshly, jerked his hips forward just the tiniest bit, still not entering the younger, eliciting another sweet sound from him. “Hmm, you’re shaking,” he commented in a husky voice, “you need me bad, don’t you?”

Die groaned and bit his bottom lip. Nodding was all he could manage to do while he pushed himself back, almost forcing the other man’s length to slip inside. But Kaoru pulled back just the slightest amount to keep that from happening.

“Say it,” he demanded, “Tell me how much you need me to _fuck_ you right now, Die.”

Oh, for Christ’s sake. Die didn’t know if it was the words coming from the older man’s mouth or the way he said them, or both, but being talked to like this turned him on even more and he groaned. Giving in, he took a shaky breath and all but pleaded. “God, Kaoru, please, take me, I need you so bad, please, _please.”_

Kaoru’s cock twitched against his lover’s ass at his desperate begging and in one swift, glorious movement, he shoved himself forward, pushing in deep, until he couldn’t go any further, and stilled. Both men cried out in pleasure, heads thrown back, and Die could feel his arms turning to jelly, giving away below him. His chest collided with the sheets almost harshly and he reached weakly above his head, grabbing a pillow and pulling it down so his forehead at least could rest on it.

“God, you’re so fucking tight,” Kaoru pressed out between his teeth. Then, he finally began to move in slow thrusts. Almost instantly he found and brushed against the younger man’s prostate, making him moan and ask for more against the sheets.

Grabbing Die with both hands once more, Kaoru picked up the pace a bit, jerking his hips harder against the other, again and again hitting that sweet spot that caused him to squirm and moan and curse like a sailor under his breath.

“Aah, fuck, yes, right there, ooh, feels so fucking good,” Die didn’t even know what he was saying anymore, his voice a faint sound in his ears, mixing with his moans and desperate cries and gasps. He pushed himself back against Kaoru harshly, forcing a faster, more urgent pace, racing for the abyss. He could feel it coming closer by the second, with each hard thrust the other made, the heat in his abdomen becoming almost unbearable.

Kaoru, too, could feel his orgasm building up, heat rising from somewhere at the core of his very being. That’s when he pulled back forcefully, withdrawing from Die’s tight ass and pushing the younger to lie on his side.

Die, whimpering in protest and confusion, jerked his head up and shot the other a Look. With a capital L.

“On your back,” Kaoru demanded then, voice steady even though he was scrambling for air, “I want to see your face when you cum for me.”

Die moaned at that, closing his eyes and biting his lower lip, before complying and turning on his back. Since his limbs still felt like pudding, he needed a little help, but once he was sprawled out in front of his partner, he spread his legs and Kaoru scooted closer. Warm hands ran along his slightly bent legs, then hooked under his knees and pulled him up gently.

Leaning over Die, Kaoru positioned himself once again at the younger man’s entrance and with one fluid roll of his hips, pushed back inside. Not stopping and waiting this time, he immediately set out for a strong and fast pace, hitting home with every thrust, making Die moan and writhe and push against him eagerly.

Die grabbed the headboard for support, his knuckles white with how hard the held on to it, and used the remaining strength in his arms to help push him down against Kaoru’s dick with fervour.

Kaoru, still slightly bent forward and thus leaning over his lover, hooked one of the long, thin legs currently pressed against his hips over his shoulder to find a new angle, going even deeper than before. It made the younger cry out even louder, his arms trembling and finally letting go of the headboard, sliding down along it bonelessly.

The older, finding purchase on the mattress next to Die’s writhing, sweating body, bent down to press a kiss to the parted lips of his lover before straightening back up and slamming himself up into the willing, tight ass with renewed vigour. The hand that had steadied him against the mattress for the kiss now travelled between Die’s legs, short fingers lacing themselves around an aching erection.

A strangled cry fell from Die’s mouth at the contact and he pushed his hips up and into the leader’s hand, then back down onto the thick cock inside of him. One of his hands flew down to rest over Kaoru’s inked one, attempting to guide his movements, but ending up being rather useless. He didn’t move it away though, making sure the older kept his member in hand and continued jerking him at an ever increasing, almost frantic pace.

“So... fucking... close…” he managed between gasps, tossing his head from one side to the other as if that would help matters at all.

“That’s it, baby, cum for me,” Kaoru moaned, coaxing his partner ever closer to the peak with the deep, lust filled tone of his voice.

Die cried out in pleasure, the other man’s name falling from his lips. Then, almost out of nowhere, completely unexpected, his orgasm hit him as Kaoru struck his prostate again, _hard._ His whole body tensed, his back arched off the mattress in one last, glorious movement, as he spilled his load all over his abdomen and their fingers. His hand fell groggily to the side as he rode out the waves.

Kaoru continued to milk every last drop from him, still pushing his hips hard and deep into the exhausted, panting, sensitive body beneath him, spurred on by the constrictions around his cock.

“Say it again,” he demanded, his voice a needy rasp, and then, when Die didn’t react immediately, “Say my name.”

Panting, Die pushed himself back against his lover with the very last of his strength and moaned once more. “Kaoru.”

Then, with a deep, guttural growl, the leader threw his head back, pushed in deep one last time, and stilled. His orgasm hit him like a tidal wave, exquisite and inescapable. The sheer force of it making his whole body tremble as he emptied himself deep inside of Die.

Exhaustion took Kaoru then, the exertion of their previous activities getting the better of him, and he all but fell forward, Die’s leg sliding from his shoulder. Catching himself on his elbows beside the still heaving body beneath him, he helplessly gasped for air.

Hands reached for the back of his head then, gently coaxing him down, not for a kiss, since the angle of their bodies was too steep to do that without straining a few too many muscles, but to allow Kaoru to rest. Leaning down and resting his forehead on Die’s chest, the older still panted hard and realised the position he was in probably didn’t help. But the hands in the back of his neck and hair were caressing him so softly, making him want to stay like this for a while longer, possibly forever. His muscles were too weak to do anything other than trying to keep most of his weight off of his friend’s body right now, anyway.

It was bliss, being like that, Die found. Lying there, spent, with his lover still inside of him, just basking in a post-coital glow. No words were needed between them, nothing had to be done. All that was required was to feel, relax into the sensation of their still joined bodies, and enjoy.

When Kaoru finally caught his breath and had gathered a bit of strength again, he pressed a kiss to Die’s sternum and lifted himself up, off the younger man, pulling his now limp member out of him in the process. It was a weird feeling for both of them, but neither man dwelled on it, as Kaoru moved around Die’s still bent leg, fishing for his discarded shirt next to the bed. Barely catching it with two fingers, he flopped down next to Die on the mattress and wiped at his lover’s abdomen. Scrunching up the tank top, he found another clean stretch of fabric with which he wiped at the remains on his own hand, then Die’s and finally threw it as far away from the bed as he possibly could. Die’s eyes were on him the whole time, thanking him wordlessly. Kaoru smiled at him and finally fell down onto the pillow rather gracelessly.

For a good while, they lay on their backs next to each other, still not talking, just breathing. Die staring at the ceiling out of glazed eyes, still basking in the afterglow, Kaoru studying the taller man’s profile. Then, the leader stretched his legs out, trying to relax the sore muscles in his thighs, when suddenly his foot hit something metallic. Furrowing his brows and wondering what the object might be, he enclosed his toes around it and lifted his leg, inspecting it. A key. The number 1105 engraved on its metal tag.

Die, roused from his own thoughts, lifted his head at the commotion the other made. Then, “Oh. I was wondering where that went.” He grinned. Sitting up and snatching it from between the other man’s toes, he stretched. “Gimme a few more minutes and I’m gone, yeah?” he asked then, falling back down onto the pillows, stifling a yawn.

Kaoru arched an eyebrow. “What, not staying for cuddles?” he teased.

Die, in turn, raised his own brows inquiringly, turning on his side to properly look at the other guitarist. “Do you _want_ me to?”

The older snorted amusedly, but pointedly did not return Die’s gaze. “Nah, I don’t care much for that sort of thing,” he answered, trying to sound indifferent. Yes, he did. But he wasn’t going to admit that. No way in _hell._

“Liar,” came the whispered reply as Die propped himself up on one elbow and leaned over his friend gone lover, lips hovering just inches from Kaoru’s. He threw the key over his shoulder and it landed somewhere on the floor with a quiet jingle.

Giving in to the temptation, the older strained his neck to catch his fellow guitarist’s mouth with his own, their kiss slow and sweet. When they parted again, Die grinned sillily, and let his head fall gently onto the other man’s shoulder, resting his inked hand just above Kaoru’s heart. An arm snaked out underneath him to wrap around his back, tattooed hand coming to a rest near his hip, pulling him against the smaller body.

Die sighed blissfully, lifted his chin and languidly kissed his lover once more.

Kaoru hummed against the soft, warm lips before they broke apart again, Die settling back down on his shoulder. “I’ve always loved holding you in my arms like this,” the older admitted finally in reference to all the times Die had come to seek warmth and some semblance of closeness after a nightmare. Kaoru’s voice was barely above a whisper; so relaxed he could fall asleep right then and there. “You’re just such a perfect fit.”

Die laughed quietly as he pulled the covers over them without moving from his position. “And you’re being sappy, old man.”

A shrug, then a lazy smile. “Maybe so. But you love me anyway.”

Silence. Chocolate met cinnamon. Then, “I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, a few last comments.  
> I purposefully let this stand sort of open-ended, but if inspiration kicks me in the guts again I might write a follow-up story to this where they explore their newfound sexuality more thoroughly.  
> And yes, Die is a horny fucking slut, talking like a goddamn female pornstar. I liked to imagine him going off on the dirty talk and cursing like a drunken sailor. What about you? Lessthanthree.
> 
> Anyway, thank you very much for reading! Please, go ahead and tell me what you think. Much appreciated! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Challenge for attentive readers: The first person who correctly comments what perfume Die is using in this story gets a gift! You can choose one of the following:  
> \- prompt me with a pairing, keyword and/or quote you want  
> OR  
> \- make me use my own ideas to write a Die/Kaoru (or any other DEG pairing, but I'm a sucker for this one) drabble or oneshot for you.
> 
> Either way, the story will be uploaded and officially gifted to you on this very platform.  
> Name of the perfume is enough, brand name not required. And a hint in case that wasn't blatantly obvious: it's a women's fragrance.  
> First person to get it right wins.
> 
> Good luck!
> 
> UPDATE 02/13/2019 -- Challenge cleared by oh_sailor_why, thank you for participating and congratulations! Your prompt is being worked on right now. <3


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